At this writing, our government is going on its 6th week of a shutdown. Momma was the reason her three kids went to college.  Betty was the penny-pincher.  But as good as she was with saving, I don’t know if we could have stretched those pennies out over 6+ weeks of no pay.  As the daughter of a federal agent, my family might have had to stand in those food assistance lines.  All because our government is Out of Order.  The adults in government - I blame both sides for this - didn’t grasp the most important lesson they should have learned in Kindergarten - how to play well with others.  

Things in the Anderson home are also Out of Order. For example, this greeting card.  It may be one of the first you receive instead of its historical last place!  It’s written Out of Order; not the typical Preston-Nathan-Kurt-Bev order and it doesn’t contain the lengthy, lengthy prose (OK, maybe it does) but has links to further writings should you desire to read more.

So let’s get messy.  

Nathan 1st

Big little brother Nathan usually gets touted 2nd to Preston in these writings, but not this year.  Big news: Nathan and Emily are engaged!  

Yep!  They’re getting hitched next Fall.  What does brother think?  Soon after Nathan popped the question, Preston moved Emily’s photo over from the Personal Assistant (PA) side of his table to the Family side of the table. ♥️ Preston knows what’s going on. What Preston may not know is how lucky he is to have a future sister-in-law who loves him so much that she is insisting on having a second wedding ceremony just for Preston and his adult friends with disabilities.  

Let that sink in.  

Emily loves Nathan and the world that brother Preston has opened up for her so much that they are planning a separate ceremony just for Preston and his friends.  A ceremony where each special adult has an important role in the celebration.  I think they are more excited about planning this ceremony than the official one. Now, if we can just train Preston to hold back on the big sloppy licks-on-the-side-of-your-face kisses so the bride’s beauty can be spared ~at least until after all the pictures are taken!

Kurt 2nd

Kurt started 2025 with a ski trip to Colorado.  His travel thirst not yet quenched, he rode in Florida’s 210-mile Coast-to-Coast tour in April.  This tour, and and his next ride across Heintooga Ridge were practice runs for his bigger goal of a scheduled Telluride-to-Moab tour in late September.  But alas, his left hip had other plans and demanded it be replaced. With two titanium hips, Kurt can now officially audition for an Iron Man role.  

He received his 2nd hip replacement in June.  Recovery was much better with his left hip. The difference?  Without being an official spokesperson for Journavx, Kurt swears by this drug. Interestingly, Kurt’s brother remembers the research on a nerve-blocking pain agent when he was in medical school 40 years ago.  That research culminated in Journavx recently being on the market as the leading (if not only) non-opioid pain medicine.  Kurt tells everyone he knows who has chronic pain about this new drug and I’m pretty sure he’s the reason some hospitals and surgery centers in Knoxville now prescribe Journavx.  

Strong recovery allows Kurt to build strong adventures. Literally the day Kurt was released to ride his bike, he ventured off to Colorado to make memories with his recently retired brother.  Clint described the visit as an “adult camp” where they would play during the day and relax at night.  One of the highlights?  A concert at Red Rocks which has been on Kurt’s bucket list for years.  It did not disappoint.

Kurt planned and executed two National Park adventures. The first trip was a mere four weeks post-surgery with highlights of 4th of July fireworks at Niagara Falls and the New River Gorge River bridge in West Virginia to name a few.  His National Parks scratch-off poster now has 20 of the 63 National Parks revealed.  Ten of those were recently done in a two-week span.  Ever the Optimist, Kurt mapped out a gruelling itinerary , and was able to stick to it~despite the shut down’s impact on national parks.

He has several tales to tell, but one of the most interesting was his being pulled over by a park ranger. Apparently, when you travel alone and your car is packed to the ceiling with what appears to be bedding and other various items, and you are less than 50 miles from the Mexican border, law enforcement might think you’re a Coyote smuggling humans across the border!  You can get a glimpse of his National Park adventures in these albums:

• Niagara Falls & National Parks July 2025
• National Parks October 2025  

I’m not gonna lie.  When I saw the pictures of the Grand Teton and Yellowstone, it made me think, “Now why am I in a high school with 2,000 teenagers and not in that breathtaking park with Kurt?” 

But separate travel works for us.  Preston as a third, or Preston’s care if we both travel, makes for additional complications.  Kurt can venture on his own and then take me and Preston back for a select few.  I’m totally good with that.  It may not work for all, but it works for us.

Bev 3rd

My brother Corry basically says that I’m Out of Order.  I’m a working/retired-adult.  It doesn’t make sense.  Have I ever made sense?  I enjoy the option to work.  The ability to say Yes or No.  I said Yes again to a fall only position at another high school.  Last year I worked with 250 freshmen in a rural school at the far northest edge of Knox County.  This year I work with 335 10th - 12th graders as the STEM Counselor at a school in the far west end of the county.  I enjoy being a guest in a building and learning a whole new culture.  I like to think it keeps my brain functioning at a higher level.  I know it does.  When the interim offers stop, I feel confident I can get a job at Buccees as a bathroom attendant supervisor.  With my acquired skills of continuous clean-up-after-Preston, starting pay could be as high as $19/hour.

I like to wind down my day with a glass of adult grape juice and an episode or two of a medical drama series. Preston voluntarily joins me on the couch and stays seemingly engaged with the show.  He mimics CPR on my thigh as the actors portray the life-saving skill on screen.  He waves his hands in the air and exclaims, “Oh No!!!” when there is a fiery crash.  And most impressively, he drapes a warm blanket across my body, wraps his arm around me and whispers, “I love you, Mommy!”  Every night! ♥️Every night!

Preston Last

Now to that sweet soul, Preston.  Like his father, Preston enjoys a full social calendar. If you glance at our color-coded shared google calendar, it’s hard to tell who’s busier - Kurt (red) or Preston (purple).

Preston continues all his activities from last year:  ACE, BLOOM, KOININIA We Adapt, League of Angels, Challenger Sports, and Spell to Communicate.  His weekdays are full, and a full calendar seems to bring calm to his days.  It’s when he’s home for long stretches of time that he tends to linger longer in the bathroom and this has become a breeding ground for regressional hygiene habits. 

Specifically, from age 5 to 27, he consistently raised the toilet seat and practiced good aim.  Since 2020, he has stopped raising the seat. This year, he started to aim Toilet LEFT, leaving his never-ending stream to the left of the basin.  This results in soaking wet pants and a toilet basin that appears to scream, “Out of Order!” The demands for repeated bathroom cleanings, Clorox bleachings, and any product that can mask urine’s odor are intense.  All calls for help to the three uncles who live within a day’s drive have gone unanswered.  For some reason, they seem to think they are not up to the task of playing Drill Sergeant in Preston’s Potty Bootcamp.  Uncle Clint gets a pass since he’s 1,200 miles away.  But Mark, Corry and Jay?  I have full confidence in your ability to be the Sergeant Carter to Preston’s Gomer Pyle.

His shop bed (where he watches videos) is, at first glance, chaotic.  He has a scattering of 21 VHS tapes, 13 CD covers, 35 paper VHS covers and several prized dental bags.  Upon further inspection, however, you’ll find what appears to be Out of Order to the common eye is very much in order to Preston:  his placement of tapes and covers are in their assigned spot. Every. Single. Time.

One Person's Mess is Another Person's Order

Preston is gifted at making a meticulous mess. Specifically, he sorts through five (5) identical white bath towels and 15 matching washcloths to select the specific ones that are just right for tonight's bath. I see a meticulous mess. Preston sees order.

“What about that 15 year wait for a teeth cleaning?”

Talk about Out of Order.  I say this with all due respect to all the Dentists in all of Tennessee.  It’s not you. It’s the great Abyss that lies between the healthcare industry and the dentistry profession.  An Abyss that’s flooded with a myriad of regulations; none of which work together and none that put the patient first. The result is a broken system which sets up people like Preston to potentially wait 15 years between regular cleanings.  Fifteen years? Good Grief.  All he wants is to get his teeth cleaned. 

So there you have it.  Out of Order? Yes.  A mess filled with adventure, heart, and stinky pee.  I hope by the time you read this the adults in our government have learned their Kindergarten lesson and figured out a way to make things work.  I know Dad would have found a way.  Any aerial gunner who fought and survived 52 missions in WWII including an attack by four Japanese Zero Fighter planes could find a way to survive a government shutdown.  He may be proud and not willing to take a handout, but he would figure it out.  He would devise a clever alternative means to an end.  He would not fear the Goo-Goo.

So during this holiday season, put a little extra in the Salvation Army tin cup. I have a feeling a lot more people will be experiencing hunger this year.

I’ve long loved the Swing.  Growing up, I could swing for hours in the backyard.  Higher and higher, wind blowing through my hair, legs pumping stronger and faster. Strength in motion. It felt like swinging could transport me to a different world. Immersed in a world where I was the center and everything around me stopped.  There was no worry, no time, no pressure.  Just solace in the back and forth. The passage of time was halted when I decided it was time to catapult out of the seat and onto the grass.  Exhilaration in my 9.5 performance and the crowd cheered!  What I didn’t know then is that the rocking motion of swinging and similar activities have therapeutic benefits to all, but most especially persons who need a lot more motion to wake up their sensory and vestibular systems.  People like Preston.  

Preston will do just about anything for Ms. Nancy at the BLOOM Center.  Her 40+ years in the Speech-Language and Early Intervention world bring key insights into the arena of adults with disabilities. Nancy’s skills can take Preston from a Mr. Stubborn half-attention-to-the-task participant to independently potting soil in 50 pots! You might say he’s becoming quite the skilled gardener. One day, Nancy offered that Preston may benefit from deep sensory input.  She added a calming room at the center, she’d take him for rides on a transport cart to provide sensory input and regulation, and she suggested we seek out an OT evaluation.  Occupational Therapy - a world we knew quite well from his birth-three years and even early elementary school, but a world that went dormant after about the 3rd grade.  So, we found a gem of an OT and in the first hour, Kurt and I felt like a whole new world opened up for Preston!  

Shout Out to Sarah Hoffa, MOTR/L, CLT at Benchmark.  In the first hour, Sarah began to break down the complicated world of all-things-neuro-sensory-vestibular and opened up a fresh glimpse of the potential benefits of such training for Preston. When she showed him the circular swing, it was as if a magnet in his core pulled him toward the swing and his whole face shouted, “Finally!  Someone understands me!”  Kurt and I got a little teary-eyed. After 12 sessions, we learned simple methods to help Preston’s mind calm and his body ground so he could make a little more sense of the world around him.  Activities like deep pressure joint compressions, peanut ball rolling, sensory brushing and - of course - swinging.

We’ll Take A Swing At It.

In the process of searching for an OT we stumbled upon an alternate method of communication:  Spelling To Communicate or S2C. Housed in the world of augmentative and alternative communications (AAC), S2C addresses many areas, but Apraxia is a key one.  Apraxia is that disconnect between Preston’s brain telling him to speak, and his difficulty in processing the motor planning needed to get the message out.  As two-thirds of persons with Autism have Apraxia, S2C has primarily been used for persons with Autism and similar minimally-speaking audiences.  But here is the kicker:  about 95% of persons with Down syndrome have Apraxia, but S2C has not been as wholly embraced in the DS world.  Why?  Perhaps because one of the fundamental premises of S2C is that the practice assumes intelligence.  Assumes Intelligence.  

Like many parents, I am ashamed to admit that I have not commonly equated Intelligence with Preston~at least not cognitive intelligence.  I mean, he’s non or at best minimally-speaking, he still watches Barney and Sesame Street videos, he doesn’t wholly verbalize, he seems to have no awareness of safety, and he can’t be left alone and unsupervised.  Assume Intelligence?  As hard as it is for me to admit, I admit I don't assume intelligence.  But we decided to take a swing at it and the evidence is quite alarming.  There have been random sightings of increased verbalizations and impressive matching and reading skills. 

The Spelling to Communicate process takes the motor and visual skills needed to point to letters on a letter board as a means to address Apraxia's motor planning deficit.  Almost like his motor system is held in the support of a swing, with the S2C method being the skills needed to hold on. You and I don’t need the prompt to hold on to the ropes; Preston does. He listens to a passage, he’s asked questions from the passage, and then is directed to spell the answer. Preston has engaged in 20+ sessions covering various topics such as current, civic, and historical events and has successfully spelled over 250 words.  But more than the spelling, his ability to just get the answer correct is mind-blowing to me. I mean, look at these questions and answers that Preston nailed!

Swing Both Ways.  

With any new field comes doubt; even controversy.  S2C hasn’t been wholly welcomed in the Speech world. It is not considered speech therapy and is not yet endorsed by insurance carriers.  The S2C research is ongoing. I can see both sides.  Where will S2C take Preston?  At the very least, we feel moving forward with S2C equips Preston with more tools to help him break out of his minimally-speaking state. We’re not naive enough to think he will suddenly start writing reams of prose.  But maybe, just maybe, Preston can begin to unravel the awkward, uncomfortable, dark and lonely corners of silence.  Like the corner where he can tell us what hurts. Or the edge that discloses the reasons for his OCD behaviors.  Maybe it’ll begin to peel back the misunderstandings and reveal some clarity of thought.   Or maybe, just maybe he’ll divulge the corner that shines on his precious soul and unveils the mysteries of his faith.

To those who are quite literally trapped in their non or minimally-speaking bodies, silence doesn’t accurately capture their essence and is often misunderstood.  If you want to learn more about one girl’s remarkable journey to finding her voice buried in the silence, I encourage you to watch Makayla’s Voice on Netflix.  It’s a 24 minute short film which depicts one family's success with using Letterboards (part of the S2C technique.)

Swinging On A Star. 

Meanwhile, Preston continues to enjoy his growing array of social functions.  He really enjoys his peers at ACE and BLOOM - especially their monthly field trips and themed respite nights. He continues to roster in Challenger Sports with his favorite sport of basketball starting this month and looks forward to baseball in the spring. A new program - the League of Angels - teaches baseball skills and brings a whole new level of celebration to their bimonthly gatherings. We are grateful to the church communities such as Christ Covenant, Central Baptist Bearden, Cedar Springs Presbyterian and of the Koininia Foundation for providing monthly social meetings aimed for adults with disabilities.  These events allow Preston to gather with peers, try new things and build a strong community of friends; something everyone needs. 

All of these programs depend heavily on volunteers.  My guess is if you ask who gets more out of the programs, it may be a close tie between volunteers and participants.  One event we forced Preston to go to this year was the local Buddy Walk for Down syndrome.  We hadn’t been in years and even with one of his all-time-favorite Uncles by his side, Preston was clearly mad.  Once the walk started, and Preston saw lines of local high school cheerleaders cheering for him and all his fellow persons with Down syndrome, his whole countenance changed.  He went from Mad to Glad in Zero to 60!  It’s a great example of how a simple act of kindness such as volunteering at a local event can quickly turn Preston from a frustrated and stubborn “Why am I here? to a “Wow! I’m so glad I’m here! Look at all these people who think I’m awesome!”

Porch Swing

The big news in Nathan’s world lies 492 steps down the street.  Launching into the world of homeownership, we were delighted when he found a house a quarter of a mile away!  It’s been fun watching him put his designer-eye to work.  He’s so natural at pulling everything together with an instinctual flow.  I don’t know many people who can say they have fully moved in (meaning furniture, accessories, fixtures and all pictures hung) in a little over two weeks, but Nathan did.  He’s always been like that.  I think Uncle Mark said it best, “Nathan’s made the most use of every inch of this house.” And true to this year’s theme - he’s even got a swing on his porch.

We didn’t know how Preston would adjust to this big change.  But he’s adjusting. The floor plan is the same as ours, but flipped.  A creature of habit, the first time Preston went to brother’s house, he went straight upstairs and sat in what would be the equivalent to his room in our house! Thus, he’s claimed his spot at brothers. Still, we can tell that Preston misses Nathan.  Here’s a few examples:

• When we tell him that “brother is stopping by,” Preston goes to the window and peeks out to be sure what we said was true.  
• One night, Emily & Nathan were watching Preston while Kurt & I were out.  They were watching TV and Preston had already gone to bed.  [Sidenote: Preston NEVER joins Kurt & I when we watch TV.]  Preston came downstairs, peeked in the room, saw Emily & Nathan, grabbed a blanket, accompanied them on the couch, pulled the reclining lever and joined them to watch a little Psych.
• Kurt took Preston for a walk in the neighborhood.  They went down the street and Kurt turned right to proceed to the boulevard.  Preston tugged Kurt and started pulling him straight to brother’s house!

Nathan and Emily maintain their relationship status both as a couple and as MIP’s (Most Important People) in Preston's world. Preston would be lost without their ongoing support of family duties, caregiving, and audience participants at random social events.  They even sponsored a trunk at ACE’s Trunk or Treat this year exhibiting as a Hockey and a Puck.

Mood Swings

Kurt started 2024 strong with a new neck and a determination to not let anything slow him down.  After 40+ years of worsening neck pain, Kurt had surgery.  While most people have a 40% buffer of room around their neck, Kurt’s had dwindled to zero.The technical term is Anterior Cervical Discectomy Fusion or ACDF.  Surgeons removed the disc between C4C5 to take pressure off his spinal cord then fused C4C5. Sounds awful - both in hearing the surgeon’s explaination and in reading the consent form which stated that the procedure could result in death.  But thankfully, surgery went well and Kurt took to rehab like a soldier.  

With directions to walk everyday, not even Snowmageddon could prevent Kurt from walking a mile in the snow.  Probably the most difficult order was to refrain from cycling for four weeks and then he was  only released to the Peleton, not the road, until April.  Still, Kurt managed to log 3,921 miles of cycling in 2024!!!  When he’s not riding, he finds solace playing Handyman at Nathan’s house, catching up with friends and enjoying some adventures with his siblings.  Adventures like the Gates Family Reunion in July, cycling with brother Clint in Colorado and gaming with the Brickeys in rounds of Sounds Fishy, Salad Bowl, and Telestrations. The man doesn’t stop.  

As for me?  Well I have relapsed.  Hello.  My name is Beverly and I have Unretired two times.   I said Yes to a short stint in school counseling at West High in April and a full fall semester at Gibbs High school.  Some would call this behavior a relapse, but I claim it is me embracing the first line in my retirement mantra which is “I do what I want when I want.”  Clearly, I have the option to say No but in these two instances, I said Yes.  Each experience taught me something new, gave me a fresh perspective on different school and community cultures, allowed me to fund a scholarship, and I had the privilege of working alongside some strong and inspiring educators.   It also made me grateful that I could walk away at the end of the stint and return to my daily retirement routine.  A routine of no-alarm mornings, lingering coffee talks in porch swings, long walks at Lakeshore, and spur of the moment trips to family, friends and Dollywood.  That’s the beauty of retirement.  Truly, I can do what I want when I want.  I am blessed.

Wishing you Sweet, Swinging Solace in 2025!

Dad had a framed picture of Earth suspended in the heavens captioned by the famous Job verse.

How does the Earth hang upon nothing? He was in awe of this miracle. It made him Wonder.

As I reflect on the past two years since our last update, I find myself drawn to the most notable moments which commanded Awe and Wonder. Moments made poignant by the force of stillness and often spawned from paradox. Moments such as brute Strength amidst Weakness. Viral Attention from Quiet. Life near Death. And the ability to just Be instead of Do.

Brute Strength Amidst Weakness.

He’s Tough & Tender. Both things can be true.

Brene Brown talks a lot about straddling tensions. She frequently voices a favored Carl Jung quote “Only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.” And in a tweet, @BreneBrown shared, “Not only are tension and contradictory pieces OK and normal — they're the magic sauce.”

Magic sauce. I want to believe that. But in the middle of really hard and difficult times, the sauce can be a stinky, gooey, unpleasant, nauseating mess. Take Preston’s foot surgery. January 13, 2022 Preston had an orange-sized fluid sac surgically removed from his right ankle (see Big Foot).

We’ve often found it difficult to navigate medical care for Preston, especially in his adult years. Let’s face it. Most of the world does not live in Preston’s world. Therefore, most - understandably - just don’t know what to do, how to act, and accordingly how to adapt treatment and procedures to a non-verbal intellectually-challenged adult. And in life, most people don’t really listen. As in when we say that Preston can’t be still for a millisecond for an MRI, that he needs full sedation, we mean that the Valium you’re prescribing will not do the trick. Three specialists and two MRIs later, the medical community is finally convinced. But when you find a gem – and we’ve had several through the years – it’s like striking gold. It’s magic sauce. Dr. Anna Wallace, an Orthopaedic Surgeon specializing in oncology and trauma, was amazing. She. Was. Magic sauce.

It was a stinky, gooey, unpleasant, nauseating mess.

While surgery was a success, post-surgery was a nightmare. It was a stinky, gooey, unpleasant, nauseating mess. It was harder than the original diagnosis. Harder than the first time I heard the “R” word after Preston was born. Harder than open heart surgery at 8 weeks and a day. We thought we had a fail-proof plan. We ignorantly convinced ourselves that casting his foot would make the post-surgery period a breeze. Boy were we wrong. Kurt and I took a combined five weeks off work to manage the unexpected. We learned a few lessons.

Never say Never. [warning:this section contains yucky photos]

11:00 am: The preoperative care nurse meant well. When responding to our concern over inadvertent cast removal, she confidently responded, “Oh, he could never take that off.”

2:20 pm: Twenty minutes after arriving home and with Mom less than 12 feet away incorrectly thinking he was sleeping off his anesthesia, there stood Preston in the doorway…..cast off…blood and gauze everywhere!

4:00 pm: Return trip to hospital, securing a Big. Red. Cast. This one proved to be brute-strength resistant!

Brute-strength resistant, but not waterproof. Unfortunately, the recommended waterproof sock did not withstand all water from entering his cast which we discovered when the cast was later removed.

He’s Tender. Just as fierce as his brute strength is his capacity to show love through his sweet, gentle spirit. He will gaze into your eyes, cock his head ever so slightly to the right, stare through to your soul and then subtly lift his hand towards my face and caress, ever so softly two up and down motions with slight pats then whisper, “Awe….Ma-Ma-Ma-Mamma….” In that Still moment, I’ve died and gone to Heaven.

Viral Attention From Quiet.

Quiet in nature is understood to be a good thing. Quiet in people can often be misunderstood.

Quiet Sparks Viral Attention.

Quiet in nature is understood to be a good thing. Quiet in people can often be misunderstood. Take Nathan as an example. At three years old, we enrolled Nathan in preschool. On day one, I was greeted by the no-nonsense director at pick-up. She strongly suggested in a worried tone that we should get Nathan tested; that he may have some delays in his development. “Delays in his development?” I’m thinking…I know I’m not an expert in childhood development, but Preston’s taught us a thing or two about delayed development. I politely responded with, “Nathan’s an observer. He quietly stands in the background and soaks in his environment before he interacts. You’ll see.” Day two at pick up? The Director walked back her previous comment, “Oh - you were right. There’s nothing wrong with Nathan. That kid’s amazing. He’s gonna be President one day!”

Creativity can lie deep within a quiet soul. Nathan continues at Vessul.co where he enjoys adventures that allow him to use his creative talents. Talents such as web development, front-end designing, systems analyst, digital marketing and video editing. In his spare time, he volunteers at church in A-V production and middle school boys’ youth. Additionally, he continues to hone his craft of photography.

To that last point, he found himself the object of an article in Paris. One might say that his posts made many Wonder. Specifically, an illustrator in France found one of Nathan’s Instagram videos and a few interviews later, a story was published in Le Parisien, one of the largest newspapers in France. The article (Google translated here) tells the story of Nathan’s journey to bring his grandfather’s photos to life.

It chronicles the curation of Kunack.us and other social media posts which have garnered an impressive number of reactions to the vintage photos. I’m not a guru when it comes to all things SMS, but I’m thinking when your posts get thousands of views (4441, 5426, 6205, 29.6.K, and 92K+) then that equates to a LOT of folks resonating with his message. You can watch his TikTok videos here (even if you don’t have an account).

One of my favorites is this one, because I get to see the determined focus and Wonder in my son.

One of my favorites is this one, because I get to see the determined focus and Wonder in my son, but this post garnered over 92K views. To learn more about Nathan’s vision for Kunack.us, go here.

Nathan’s also in love. I’m not talking about the 24 pound blue merle mini Aussie from Missouri (Aswhin), but a lovely authentic gal from Davy Crockett’s homestead and the storytelling capital of the world (Jonesborough, TN). Preston also happens to love Emily which makes this relationship all the more heart-warming. When they took him to their church youth’s Jingle Jam, Preston thought the stage was his and he returned oh-so Merry and Bright!

Google Photos

Google Photos

Emily is my Barbie animal spirit.

As for me, I think Emily is my Barbie animal spirit. After I had to miss a considerable amount of the movie to accommodate Preston’s urinary output needs (which, by the way, appears to be 30 times the average person’s duration in the Loo), Emily insisted that I watch the movie again. I had missed the most powerful part of the movie: America Ferrara’s discourse about straddling the tensions of being a woman.

The monologue is a reaction to Barbie - the one and only Barbie - stating that she’s not Enough. Not Enough?! Barbie?! A sentiment that too many of us feel too often - men, women, children, teens, leaders who seemingly have it all. After that, our matching Barbie shirts were born.

Life Near Death.

He's Kurtough

While he may not admit it, there’s no doubt that Kurt had a tough 2023. If you know Kurt, traits such as pessimism, negativity, or melancholy are rarely if ever witnessed in his nature. Good thing he’s Kurtough. I’ve outlined a brief rundown below but as Kurt would want, I’ve sprinkled in a glimmer of happy dust to dampen the chill.

• Despite me telling him that he was Enough, Kurt had two neck procedures and a full hip replacement. His Orthopedic surgeon claims that Kurt’s right hip “Has a new Corvette rod in a 55 Chevy!” Kurt likes that analogy.
• In the months leading up to her death, Kurt saw the vibrancy of his mother be replaced with agonizing pain. This was not the mother he knew and he was in anguish as he watched her demise. Nathan created a video tribute to honor Jo’s life. The manner in which Nathan captured nostalgic moments which painted the essence of Jo reduced Kurt to a puddle of tears. Bearing witness to these moments made Kurt even more appreciative of the enormous impact she had on his life.

• As you watch this memorial video you’ll see a devoted wife’s love, the beauty of a mother’s endless patience, and her ability to cultivate a sense of Wonder in her children as she masters all the ING things. Break out the tissue. Kurtough sure had to.

• Two days before Jo’s celebration of life, Kurt was in a car wreck. At 10:00 a.m. on his way to a Physical Therapy appointment he was T-boned on the driver’s side, pushed into and then wrapped around a telephone pole. He survived. Let me say that again - he survived! Praise Jesus!
• As if the wreck was not alarming enough, after we got home from the hospital I went to a walk-in clinic and learned why I felt so miserable. Not only did I come inches away from losing my husband of almost 36 years, but I had COVID causing me to miss Jo’s Celebration of Life. I felt awful - literally and emotionally - as this seemed to be an event that no living spouse should be AWOL from. Preston knew exactly what Kurt needed in the way of comfort and was able to calmly sit through five plus hours of ceremony offering the requisite amount of charm, comfort and compassion.

Traumatic events tend to make one reexamine life. As such, Kurt reflected on Everything that happened Everywhere All At Once in 2022-2023 and decided to retire. Thus, after 33 years and three months, Kurt concluded his tenure with Knoxville Utilities Board.

If you’re like me - or rather if you’re not like Kurt - you’ve probably been in a workplace situation that makes you uncertain of how to behave. The setting is a social gathering but in a work context. Maybe you're at the University President’s home or in a workplace training space converted into a reception hall with workplace people and guests. People who you may or may not know well, may or may not be especially close to, but still there is an understood level of respect. You may quietly ask yourself, “What are the rules in this context.…. Am I obligated to act professional or am I supposed to break loose and have fun?” Preston doesn’t pause to question.

At Kurt’s retirement party - which clearly Preston thought was Preston’s par-TAH - Nathan set up a video photo booth. Set to Rachel Platten’s “Better Place,” this video illustrates just how persuasive a non-verbal adult but one who is full of Joy and Wonder can unite even the most shy of grownups and transform us from an awkward silence to a most happy and better place. Enjoy.

The Ability to Be Instead of Do.

As for me? This #3 on the Enneagram (one who is prone to productivity, enjoys making and crossing off lists, thrives on accomplishments and is often described as a workaholic) had a crystal clear realization not soon after Kurt retired. If you’re not an E3, you may find this next statement difficult to understand: It’s hard for E3’s to have an identity outside of their work and achievements.

But just like I knew Kurt was The One soon after we started dating, and just as Ken discovered in the movie that he was Kenough, I discovered that I was Enough. That We were Enough. That Life was Enough. Not my titles or duties or tasks in which an E3 can so often get entangled. And so, on October 13, 2023, I retired!

As an E3 often likes to boast about their accomplishments, I feel obligated to report that I've successfully fallen into retirement without missing a beat. A cherished morning moment is sitting here, in my backyard, with the view of a Still field, a Mountain Laurel, and just quiet - peace and quiet - no rush. Nowhere to be. Just time to Be in the moment. Time to share the moment with my hubby and talk about important matters. We often joke that “retirement is so hard!” but not because we have trouble adjusting; rather, because there’s just so many moments to savor that we can’t find enough hours in the day.

An added benefit of not having a 9 to 5 has been to research and enroll Preston in some adult programs for persons with disabilities. To his delight, Preston has something every day whether it’s the ACE program at Christ Covenant Church, the BLOOM ministry at Central Baptist Church Bearden, or Bowling at Strike & Spare, Preston is a new man. It is evident that while we pulled him from all social and community gatherings during COVID to protect his health, he really, really, really missed being with like peers. Witnessing his excitement when we announce, "It's time to go to ACE, BLOOM Center, or Bowling!" is quite heart-warming.

Pay It Forward: A greenhouse with a cause

A new greenhouse is not only focusing on helping plants grow, but also people.

WBIRMike Witcher

No sooner had he started the ACE program did he insist that his morning entrances be sans Mom. What? I can’t escort this 30 year-old into the program like he’s a 3 year-old walking into preschool? No. His non-verbal communication was loud and clear. When he turned around and held his left arm out in a “halt” pose as if to say, “Mom…..I’ve got this…Go Away!” I knew we’d made the right decision.

What made Yoda so wise? I Wonder.

“But what if that was your family?”

In addition to his awe of Earth’s hanging upon nothing, my father was also quite gifted at seeing all sides. Maybe it was the learned questioning habits of an IRS/Criminal Fraud agent, or his innate eminence as a private investigator. When hearing of a situation which may cause strong diametrical opinions (racial unrest, same-sex partners, basic human rights) I’d frequently hear him say, “But what if that was your family?” He had a tendency to stick up for the little guy. I think he was the master of all things Golden Ruley. As such, he taught me to pause and think about the other side. He often made me Wonder. I appreciate this lesson.

Questions I can hear my Dad ponder. Questions that make me Wonder.

As I wrap up the holiday season, I find myself drawn to lyrics which take a unique or perhaps untold perspective. Questions I can hear my Dad ponder. Questions that make me Wonder. Such as Why did He choose a simple man of trade? Why just an ordinary girl? What was Mary feeling when she learned she was chosen? How can One bring so much joy to our world? What did the innkeeper feel after he turned them away? What if Fathertime had a daughter? How can we treat Elves more fairly? What if Meghan Trainor and Earth Wind And Fire made a Holiday song? And what exactly was Ken’s struggle? Whether you’re like me and your tree is still up and you don’t want Christmas to end, or you’ve experienced great loss this year and Christmas Hits differently - meaning you desperately just wanted the holidays to come and go - I hope you enjoy this BeStill&Wonder23 playlist. Give it a listen!

Wishing you and yours many moments in 2024 to . . . . . .

Can't open the Spotify list? The link below is for YouTube and/or below is a list of the songs.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLY1PvAsMa5fhEwEEYYlyYTMkU5mwduEHf

Like what you've read? If it made you Wonder, drop me a line - bevandersotn@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you!

BigFoot

For me, the name conjures up that of a rather enormous historical creature clouded in secrecy. Often considered mysterious and scary, this living thing is thought to pose a threat to people; an exceedingly large being who is perhaps misunderstood. He's said to be lurking, stealth-like, deep in the woods. And depending on who you ask, there have been intermittent sightings with cloudy photographs and videography incapable of authenticating the creature with 100% credence. I think Preston and BigFoot may have a lot in common.

"I think Preston and BigFoot may have a lot in common."

First, Preston has several characteristics that could be described as rather big and mysterious. Case in point - his Big Routines.

Big Routines.

Last year I mentioned his affinity for tighty-whities; that as long as we had a stash of about 30 pair a day for him to rotate through, his day was A-OK. It turns out, a recent survey revealed that Preston is not alone in this preference as 51% of men and women choose the tighty-whites! lol

Lately, however, it seems he's turned his affinity for changing his Hanes Mens tighty-whities towards Sam's blue washcloths. Used as a hand towel, Preston changes out a dirty for a clean blue washcloth as part of his attempt-to-wash-his-hands bathroom routine. The blue washcloths are now needed in bulk of 30 per day; and with those 30 - you guessed it - his day is A-OK. It's mysterious.

Crafting his routines is a Big deal to Preston. A really Big Deal. Huge. Rather ENORMOUS, even.

We can never predict what will change or suddenly cycle into his habitual acts. Like BigFoot, Preston's nuanced approach to his routines seems to lurk deep in his mind. Their meaning is of obvious and real importance to him, but to the rest of us, they seem - well - mysterious and misunderstood.

Routines such as:

• All lights in the house are ON during the day; OFF at dusk.
• The kitchen door remains open at a 60-degree angle and if you try to close it, it's met with a stomped foot in protest.
• The blinds in the dining room are raised first thing in the morning.
• His knock-on-our-bedroom-door is announcing, "It's time to get up!" after which he insists with multiple repetitions of "Mamma--[get my] shorts."
• His shorts and shirt must be the same thing he wore yesterday; thus, Mamma does laundry every night. Otherwise, He'd happily sport the Charlie Brown PigPen character look on a daily basis.
• On every car ride, he quickly chugs a bottled water and places its cap precariously in the right corner of the dashboard.
• He touches the car windshield just beyond the bottle's cap with the back of his hand; which, interestingly, his Grandpa Les would also do to test the outside temperature.
• After every use, his preferred drinking cup must be kept to the left of the convection oven. It's kept nowhere else. Period.
• Breakfast is comprised of a turkey sausage patty, scrambled egg and an Activia yogurt.
• He has an established corner in an elevator that, for all elevator inhabitants all over the world, consider this your warning: you will be forced to allow him to inhabit his claimed corner. Your compliance will be returned with an offer to push your desired floor by his side-kick (Mamma) who must reside in the direct opposite corner.
• If he visits your home, he will establish a "space" and it could be three (3) years later when we visit again, but he will retreat to that same established space. That space is his now. You won't get it back. Am I right, Baumgartners?
• He insists on opening a new item (gallon of milk, jar of peanut butter, roll of toilet paper) before it runs out. Thus we likely will not fall victim to the next toilet paper shortage seeing that we have 30+ partially used rolls stored safely in our laundry room.

And then there's the table routine. It's rather extravagant.

"The table routine is rather extravagant."

The family table is where Preston dines and gathers a rather eclectic collection of items. If it were left up to him, the entire collection would remain scattered across the table all day long, everyday. Well, I can't tolerate the clutter, so he agrees to house his collection in a big basket which inhabits the chair to the right. The items come out of the basket when Preston eats his meals and snacks. He takes them out, I put them back after he's done eating. He takes them out, I put them back. He takes them out, I put them back. Over and over again. All day long. Ad nauseam. You get the picture. At night, just before his bedtime routine, he frequently insists on helping gather the items to retreat them to the basket as if to nestle them in their bed for the evening.

But it's not just the repetitious act of items being put on and taken off the table. No, the mystery extends further to involve the precise placement of items. Each carefully selected item is decidedly placed in its same chosen spot each and every time he brings them out. With no exceptions. None. Nada.

• The basket is moved to the floor.
• Chip clips and container tops are placed on the chair to the right with the clips perfectly parallel to each other.
• The large bag of pretzels is opened and placed straight in front of the corner dubbed as "his" spot.
• Grandaddy's wooden napkin holder (which must not have any napkins contained) rests directly in front of the pretzels with a mini paper towel tucked undernearh - always tucked underneath.

Similar to the Ark, he generally has (2) two of everything:

• Two bags of pretzels.
• Two containers of goldfish.
• Two Elmos (that is, until mamma hid one in the attic).
• Two or three snow globes; depending on the season.
• His two school IDs placed horizontally below and to the right.
• My two outdated school IDs placed horizontally mid-table and to the right.
• Two water bottles spaced ever so slightly on a diagonal are arranged mid-table left.
• Four photo-booth picture strips from his last three PA's (Personal Assistants) are stacked and lay just behind one snow globe.
• A paper bag from the dentist with his wooden Challenger Basketball plaque on top.
• Three packages of wipes: one carefully placed on top of the All-About-Preston binder and two stacked and nestled beside the big open Ziploc of goldfish.
• Two photo collections of his work buddies from CP Center line up to the right of Elmo.

And thanks to the generous and thoughtful Atlanta Dickersons, Preston has deemed two additional items to have that special significance worthy enough of a spot on the table:

• One Barney-the-Train-Conductor doll and
• One Classical Ukulele Guitar

"Sometimes things that are disagreeable and difficult to understand can be beautiful and hold precious meaning."

Misunderstood? Perhaps. To me, it's an unsightly mess--which may be how one could describe BigFoot. But sometimes things that are disagreeable and difficult to understand can be beautiful and hold precious meaning. To Preston, the big table mess may represent a special collection of items that are so dear to him that he has anointed them a specific area that is within his circle of love.

Perhaps it's his way of communicating, "I love you guys--all the things on the table!" I mean, he even tucks them in at night. How sweet is that?!

As much as I want to understand what's going on inside that little head of his when he decides, "Now THAT's going on the table," or "I'm adding THIS to my lengthy list of routines," I understand that some things are OK to remain a mystery. Thus, I can either waste my efforts trying to unravel the whys of his behaviors, or I can choose to simply accept his "Preston-isms." After all, repetition brings a sense of familiarity. With familiarity comes calm. Calm can welcome the feeling that "We can get through This" even if the This is continuing to tweak all our routines to yet another new COVID strain.

Yes, the PanDammit still prevails and we all continue to adjust to COVID's calling. Each of us in the Anderson household remain careful when gathering, still mindful of social distancing. All of us are proud card-carrying members of what I call the CVBC clan (COVID-Vaccinated and Boosted Community.) We still love you if you're not in the clan, but we will not hug you - not just yet.

"We still love you if you're not in the clan, but we will not hug you - not just yet."

Preston continues to remain at home and sadly, not out in the community with his CP Center friends. With the added time at home comes the added time in The Shop where Preston sits barefoot, cross-legged and bounces quite vigorously all 155 pounds up and down, over and over, for about 5-6 hours a day on his right foot. The fallout? A small quarter-sized bursar that has hovered over his right ankle since 2012 now spans a 2"x5" area around his ankle and slithers down the front of his foot.

When it grew rapidly over a weekend in late September, we decided it was time to get it checked out. Three months later, two MRIs, consults with four different doctors including an Orthopedic Oncologist, confirmed it appears to just be a few sacs of fluid and not a mass (can you see the swift swipe right over my forehead?!)

Big Pandemic Yields BigFoot

We've opted for surgery which is scheduled for January 12th. Because Preston will not tolerate a band aid for more than three (3) seconds, we devised a plan to mitigate the complications of post-surgery; we've asked the doctor to cast his not-so-big-post-surgery foot! The difficult part will be changing his self-injurious behavior which might bring back another bursar sac. While surgery may not solve the problem for good, we can rest in the hope that the unsightly BigFoot will disappear on January 12th, and future sightings may be few and far between.

Protecting the Legend.

Similar to the myriad of COVID and COVID-vaccine myths, no matter your belief on the legend of BigFoot, he really does exist. As it turns out, the Western Air Defense Sector, Washington Air National Guard's mascot is Bigfoot. And while we scurry to protect our daily routines, the Guard monitors "nearly 73 percent of the United States and Canada. Just like Bigfoot of legend, the sector is rarely seen and rarely heard, but rest assured it continues to observe and - if necessary - serve as a messenger of warning."

"Perhaps we all have a little legend inside; a belief that if we do This, then That will happen and That will make our world safer."

This begs the question - what's the message behind all Preston's BigRoutines? Perhaps we all have a little legend inside; a belief that if we do This, then That will happen and That will make our world safer. Who am I to question the compulsive need for BigRoutines? Dare I reveal a few of our own?

• Every Anderson road trip has a requisite start with a Chick-fil-A stop
• Kurt must frequent the Starbucks at Exit 5 off I75 on the way to Gun tersville
• Kurt turns the station to Fox and I turn it back to NBC
• Nathan's morning starts with a mindful meditation
• I like to begin my morning alone, before everyone else is awake, with a hot cup of coffee to sip on outside while I feel Morning's dew on my face
• At days end, I toss the work attire for that quarantine-adopted style of sloth which includes T-shirt, shorts and a lingerie item that barely poses as a bra and will most assuredly never land in a "best lingerie look" category.

Little BigBrother.

I am still amazed at the authentic love and care Nathan (26) has for Preston (28). Witnessing their non-verbal exchanges brightens a room with warmth and hope for the future. Nathan continues at Vessul, has found new friendships at a OneLife Micro church, and recently launched his photography store and site at Kunack and Etsy. An avid reader, he keeps 100+ books in his Audible queue and cycles through recreational hockey, the Peleton, and Lego creations to help keep his life balanced. Oh, and that precious girl of his - Ashwin - keeps us all wagging our Happy!

Big Daddy & Big Mamma

Kurt continues at KUB and is enjoying the flexibility of working from home three days a week. He plans to keep up his cycling goal of 4,000 miles+his age for 2022. I have no doubt he will hit or surpass the 4,061-mile mark. Kurt also finds solace in working outside to improve our landscaping, spending quality time with Ashwin, and building rip-roaring fires reminiscent of his father-son adventures in the 60's and 70's.

And Big Mamma? Well, she continues to enjoy working as a School Counselor at Bearden High by academic year and as a Counselor Educator at Carson-Newman University in the summer. I've not yet kicked the numbing habit as I continue to stream silly shows as a wind-down activity (at least that's what I tell myself.) One show that has become a recent family favorite is Yellowstone. You wouldn't typically find the cowboy genre in my queue but since MY NIECE IS IN YELLOWSTONE, it's become a family favorite. Even Ashwin enjoys the binge!

Well, consider this a wrap for our Big 2021. Wishing Big Cheers for You in 2022!

My father signed his memoir with a scrabble code which spelled
“P E R S P E C T I V E.” His point was that Perspective is one of the most important qualities to hold close to your heart as you navigate adulthood.

COVID-19, much like 9-11, will be another defining moment in history which will shape our Perspective on life. We will be able to recall exactly where we were in that defining moment. For 9-11, I was at the check-out counter at Walmart. I called into work to tell them I’d be in later and the secretary said, “Why are you not staying at home with your boys?” I stayed home.

For COVID-19, I was in a 700-seat, jam-packed, high school auditorium the evening of March 12th. On March 13th, schools closed, and we didn’t have students back in the building for 26 weeks. Once again, I stayed home; as did Kurt, Nathan, and Preston.  Like much of the world, we decided to keep ourselves in a self-quarantine state to limit exposure.

As I watched the news, I noticed the shift in Perspective across the world. Perspectives around the bravery of health care and essential workers. Perspectives around education as families began to express great admiration for what teachers can accomplish day-in and day-out. And while those of us who are introverts and gravitate towards solitude to renew our souls, I also began to witness the cost of isolation.

Loss and grief were raw, naked, and further pronounced

For my single friends, I saw the heavy weight of no connection. For my friends with 2 parents working from home and tasked with educating their children remotely, I heard their anguish. And these examples don’t even capture those who lost wages and work; those who are on the brink of or living in poverty; and most of all, those whose doors were darkened with Death. There was more desperation from separation. Loss and grief were raw, naked, and further pronounced as people navigated their agony alone.

Meanwhile, in Preston’s corner of the world, so much is the same. His sweet little heart is sweeter. His ability to express love and give comfort are endless. For instance, he embraces his brother more often with long, lingering hugs. He gently places a blanket and tucks me in on the couch whispering “there you go, momma” while I numb myself with trivial but binge-worthy entertainment. He politely if not persistently knocks on Kurt’s office door and waits until Kurt is free to help get whatever is requested—lunch, a snack, or to open the locked laundry room so Preston can change underwear for the 37th time.

At least he values cleanliness. He may not be able to wear a mask or wash his hands effectively, but he can be darn sure that he wears clean underwear. He literally goes through about 30 pairs a day. I know, because I’ve counted!

Not all is the same. We pulled Preston from his work-training program at the CP Center.  We hated to, but we felt that Preston is such a high risk given his heart surgery, proneness to illness, his inability to properly wear PPE and his propensity to generously show affection towards others. Our plan has worked so far. KUB has allowed Kurt to work from home through June. Nathan limits his contact with others, working a bit more from home than at the space, and he has put recreational hockey on hold for the moment. Ironically, I’m the one who is bringing the most exposure into the home by working in a public school with an enrollment of over 2,000.

Habits Change

The Pandemic has taught us new behaviors. Things I never did before COVID-19 include:

online grocery shopping (I splurge for delivery)
hand washing frequently and for a full 20 seconds
daily wiping down kitchen counters, appliances, and surfaces
a complete halt to in-store shopping of any kind
an end-of-work-day routine that includes going straight upstairs to change
clothes, and scrub my face and hands before Preston douses me with hugs
and to keep my vanity in check, I've only visited the hairdresser twice since March, 2020

I’ve been a late bloomer into the podcast world, listening to 8,866 minutes of interviews. A dream podcast would be me in a room with Brene’ Brown and Ian Morgan Cron.  I’ve literally listened to all Spotify has to offer from these two professionals.

17,065 minutes lost to escapism

I’ve also learned that sometimes I just want to numb myself. I just want to escape. As such, I’ve tracked all the binge-watching I’ve engaged in during COVID. Are you sitting down? It’s 17,065 minutes. That’s equal to 284.41 hours or 11.85 days. Such slothfulness! Another Perspective could be that it’s only 1 1/3 days a month during COVID. So, I could argue that I just spent the equivalent of 2/3 of each weekend in pure escape-mode. At least that justification makes me feel a bit less slothy; none less guilty, though.

It hasn’t all been sloth. Those 8,866 minutes of podcasts were listened to while walking. That’s 147.66 hours or 6.15 entire days and nights worth of exercise and self-improvement. And for the first time in 33 years of marriage, I made 100% of all courses of the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. While I very much missed celebrating with extended family, it was good to know that I can, at 59, prepare an entire feast all by myself. At least for a moment it felt good. I’ve also gotten more sleep. It may not be all restful sleep, but I’m gifting myself more hours to rest. Self-care has never been my strong suit, so I see this as one small step towards self-improvement.

Pandemic Productivity

So while I binged away 17,065 minutes, what do others do? Dolly Parton at 74 shared her music to the streaming industry for the first time, launched a bedtime story series for children, and donated $1 million to Vanderbilt Medical Center for COVID-19 research which specifically helped advance the Moderna Vaccine. And if you haven’t listened to her latest release, “When Life Is Good Again,” it is a must. Her Perspective on getting through the crisis is heartwarming and centers on kindness.

Then there’s 21 year old Chris Nikic. What does Chris Nikic do during a Pandemic? He’s the first person with Down syndrome to complete an Ironman Triathlon! It seems Chris chose to be productive during the pandemic. Well, I guess I’ve got my new year’s resolution made for me: watch less Netlfix.

Priorities Remain

Through all the chaos of COVID, health and family have remained our priorities. Kurt has beautifully embraced the role of Mr. Mom, he has maintained his biking regime, he encourages connections with a few good friends via walking and hiking and manages to enhance his outdoor castle with some finishing touches.  Touches such as holiday lighting, a canopy extension to the outdoor fire pit and the addition of two rocking chairs.

Reminiscent of the days when he’d build ginormous leaf piles for all the neighborhood kids to play, he keeps a stash of leaves for Ashwin to bounce around in. He also built a snowman and a snowdog with Ashwin’s help after our Christmas snowfall. Kurt is the anti-thesis of sloth! Always has been. Always will be.

Nathan continues his work with Vessul Creative. In July and October, he traveled to Colorado and Maine with Kurt and continues his fondness for photography.

Unexpected moments

Nathan shows up in unexpected moments. Like this minute-and-a-half long hug with brother, the "Your My Hero" message on the chocolate bar he gave me, and when he selects a movie or series like Ted Lasso for the four of us to cram on the couch together and watch, laugh and cry together.  He also reminds us that while the world was turned upside down in 2020, Preston's smile didn't change all year!

That’s our Perspective on 2020.
We hope you keep yours in 2021.

My father signed his memoir with a scrabble code which spelled
“P E R S P E C T I V E.” His point was that Perspective is one of the most important qualities to hold close to your heart as you navigate adulthood.

COVID-19, much like 9-11, will be another defining moment in history which will shape our Perspective on life. We will be able to recall exactly where we were in that defining moment. For 9-11, I was at the check-out counter at Walmart. I called into work to tell them I’d be in later and the secretary said, “Why are you not staying at home with your boys?” I stayed home.

For COVID-19, I was in a 700-seat, jam-packed, high school auditorium the evening of March 12th. On March 13th, schools closed, and we didn’t have students back in the building for 26 weeks. Once again, I stayed home; as did Kurt, Nathan, and Preston.  Like much of the world, we decided to keep ourselves in a self-quarantine state to limit exposure.

As I watched the news, I noticed the shift in Perspective across the world. Perspectives around the bravery of health care and essential workers. Perspectives around education as families began to express great admiration for what teachers can accomplish day-in and day-out. And while those of us who are introverts and gravitate towards solitude to renew our souls, I also began to witness the cost of isolation.

Loss and grief were raw, naked, and further pronounced

For my single friends, I saw the heavy weight of no connection. For my friends with 2 parents working from home and tasked with educating their children remotely, I heard their anguish. And these examples don’t even capture those who lost wages and work; those who are on the brink of or living in poverty; and most of all, those whose doors were darkened with Death. There was more desperation from separation. Loss and grief were raw, naked, and further pronounced as people navigated their agony alone.

Meanwhile, in Preston’s corner of the world, so much is the same. His sweet little heart is sweeter. His ability to express love and give comfort are endless. For instance, he embraces his brother more often with long, lingering hugs. He gently places a blanket and tucks me in on the couch whispering “there you go, momma” while I numb myself with trivial but binge-worthy entertainment. He politely if not persistently knocks on Kurt’s office door and waits until Kurt is free to help get whatever is requested—lunch, a snack, or to open the locked laundry room so Preston can change underwear for the 37th time.

At least he values cleanliness. He may not be able to wear a mask or wash his hands effectively, but he can be darn sure that he wears clean underwear. He literally goes through about 30 pairs a day. I know, because I’ve counted!

Not all is the same. We pulled Preston from his work-training program at the CP Center.  We hated to, but we felt that Preston is such a high risk given his heart surgery, proneness to illness, his inability to properly wear PPE and his propensity to generously show affection towards others. Our plan has worked so far. KUB has allowed Kurt to work from home through June. Nathan limits his contact with others, working a bit more from home than at the space, and he has put recreational hockey on hold for the moment. Ironically, I’m the one who is bringing the most exposure into the home by working in a public school with an enrollment of over 2,000.

Habits Change

The Pandemic has taught us new behaviors. Things I never did before COVID-19 include:

online grocery shopping (I splurge for delivery)
hand washing frequently and for a full 20 seconds
daily wiping down kitchen counters, appliances, and surfaces
a complete halt to in-store shopping of any kind
an end-of-work-day routine that includes going straight upstairs to change
clothes, and scrub my face and hands before Preston douses me with hugs
and to keep my vanity in check, I've only visited the hairdresser twice since March, 2020

I’ve been a late bloomer into the podcast world, listening to 8,866 minutes of interviews. A dream podcast would be me in a room with Brene’ Brown and Ian Morgan Cron.  I’ve literally listened to all Spotify has to offer from these two professionals.

17,065 minutes lost to escapism

I’ve also learned that sometimes I just want to numb myself. I just want to escape. As such, I’ve tracked all the binge-watching I’ve engaged in during COVID. Are you sitting down? It’s 17,065 minutes. That’s equal to 284.41 hours or 11.85 days. Such slothfulness! Another Perspective could be that it’s only 1 1/3 days a month during COVID. So, I could argue that I just spent the equivalent of 2/3 of each weekend in pure escape-mode. At least that justification makes me feel a bit less slothy; none less guilty, though.

It hasn’t all been sloth. Those 8,866 minutes of podcasts were listened to while walking. That’s 147.66 hours or 6.15 entire days and nights worth of exercise and self-improvement. And for the first time in 33 years of marriage, I made 100% of all courses of the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. While I very much missed celebrating with extended family, it was good to know that I can, at 59, prepare an entire feast all by myself. At least for a moment it felt good. I’ve also gotten more sleep. It may not be all restful sleep, but I’m gifting myself more hours to rest. Self-care has never been my strong suit, so I see this as one small step towards self-improvement.

Pandemic Productivity

So while I binged away 17,065 minutes, what do others do? Dolly Parton at 74 shared her music to the streaming industry for the first time, launched a bedtime story series for children, and donated $1 million to Vanderbilt Medical Center for COVID-19 research which specifically helped advance the Moderna Vaccine. And if you haven’t listened to her latest release, “When Life Is Good Again,” it is a must. Her Perspective on getting through the crisis is heartwarming and centers on kindness.

Then there’s 21 year old Chris Nikic. What does Chris Nikic do during a Pandemic? He’s the first person with Down syndrome to complete an Ironman Triathlon! It seems Chris chose to be productive during the pandemic. Well, I guess I’ve got my new year’s resolution made for me: watch less Netlfix.

Priorities Remain

Through all the chaos of COVID, health and family have remained our priorities. Kurt has beautifully embraced the role of Mr. Mom, he has maintained his biking regime, he encourages connections with a few good friends via walking and hiking and manages to enhance his outdoor castle with some finishing touches.  Touches such as holiday lighting, a canopy extension to the outdoor fire pit and the addition of two rocking chairs.

Reminiscent of the days when he’d build ginormous leaf piles for all the neighborhood kids to play, he keeps a stash of leaves for Ashwin to bounce around in. He also built a snowman and a snowdog with Ashwin’s help after our Christmas snowfall. Kurt is the anti-thesis of sloth! Always has been. Always will be.

Nathan continues his work with Vessul Creative. In July and October, he traveled to Colorado and Maine with Kurt and continues his fondness for photography.

Unexpected moments

Nathan shows up in unexpected moments. Like this minute-and-a-half long hug with brother, the "Your My Hero" message on the chocolate bar he gave me, and when he selects a movie or series like Ted Lasso for the four of us to cram on the couch together and watch, laugh and cry together.  He also reminds us that while the world was turned upside down in 2020, Preston's smile didn't change all year!

That’s our Perspective on 2020.
We hope you keep yours in 2021.

Nathan introduced her to us last spring. She comes from a loving home in Missouri. Quiet-natured like Nathan, their personalities complement each other.  Nathan has brought girls home before, but this time was different.

Her name is Ashwin.  She’s drop-dead-gorgeous and she’s a Miniature American Shephard who has won over all of our hearts.

Ashwin is peace

Maybe it’s my life stage, but I’ve not witnessed the peaceful impact of a canine as I have with Ashwin. Public warnings included, “She needs a lot of exercise. She will wear you out. She demands a lot.” So do high school students. Welcome to my world! But the balance of attention-to-Ashwin versus the output of Peace she bestows on our family is remarkable. Ashwin’s Peace is powerful.

Preston’s attention to dogs has been hit or miss; but with Ashwin, he’s been all in from day one. He seems to understand her emotions and reciprocates appropriately. For example, during our family’s first outing walking Ashwin in the neighborhood Preston reached over, took the leash, and seized command of the walk. Perhaps it’s his keen understanding of non-verbal communication, but Preston seemed to know Ashwin’s needs seconds before they presented. He transferred the leash from his right to left hand as Ashwin switched sides. He twirled around following Ashwin’s roadway dance. He kept Ashwin close by his side. All this without instruction. Wanna see the dance? Watch it here. As I said – All-In!

Ashwin is love

There’s the sweet, mushy love. The kind Kurt and I unabashedly present loud and proud with our public and gushy kissy-kissy “I love you’s” to Preston. Then there’s the empowering Tough Love. The kind that doesn’t enable, but rather fosters growth and independence.

Two things: 1) One of Nathan’s reasons for getting Ashwin was to have an emotional support for Preston.  And 2) Nathan’s love for Preston goes beyond mushy. Nathan gets at the heart of what Preston really needs as an almost 27-year old adult male – increasing independence.

Nathan expects more from Preston

There’s a scene in the recent hit movie, The Peanut Butter Falcon, where the ugly truth comes out. At least it really spoke to me as a mother. As one who wants to constantly protect Preston I may be inadvertently disrespecting him; holding him back; coddling him too much. No, I don’t call Preston the “R” word, but I do think my inactions or coddling may hold him back. I get Preston’s water for him; Nathan teaches Preston how to get his own water. I pack Preston’s lunch, Nathan expects Preston to pack his own. I clean up Preston’s mess; Nathan teaches Preston how to get the recycle bin and clean out the recyclables from the car. Nathan expects more from Preston. He knows how to protect but he doesn’t over-protect. Nathan holds the bar a bit higher for Preston than I do and because of this, we’ve seen Preston’s independent thinking skills change.

Some examples include:

Without prompting, Preston will diverge from his daily outfit of khaki shorts and green shirt to get long pants, a new blue shirt and a jacket when told, “we’re going to church!”

Seeing snow outside, Preston located and wore boots both to and from his video viewing room (the “shop” which requires him going outside, down and around to the basement.) In the past, he’s worn them down but not back. Now he wears them down and back.

When directed to get the low-salt chips, Preston reached for the only low-salt chip bag on the shelf (Kurt did not point to the bag.)

At one of his favorite volunteer/work-training sites, Random Acts of Flowers, Preston ---without fuss--will wear an apron and flex his fine motor skills to arrange flowers. He also really enjoys composting!

Fun at Random Acts of Flowers!

Preston doesn’t miss a step in a routine. He knows his breakfast is served in a to-go container Monday through Friday. So, when I presented his breakfast in a to go-container on a Saturday, he moved the contents to a regular bowl.

Honesty can save a life.

Back to that movie – The Peanut Butter Falcon. If you haven’t seen it, you’ve got to put it in your que. I cried the first time I saw it; I laughed often the 2nd time.  The movie casts an adult with Down Syndrome as one of the leading characters (Zack.) Although they didn’t show it in the credits, Preston had to be the consult for the scene where Zack is running down the beach in his underwear. And while Preston doesn’t verbalize it, Zack captures Preston’s ability to pierce the heart with naked honesty.

In fact, Shia LaBeouf credits Zack’s honesty with saving his life.

After being arrested for public intoxication, Zack told Shia that he had to stop drinking…that he was ruining not just his own life, but Zack’s opportunity for success. To quote Shia, “Zack can’t not shoot straight, and bless him for it, ‘cause in that moment, I needed a straight shooter who I couldn’t argue with.” At the time of the arrest, Shia promised Zack that he wouldn’t drink for the rest of the shoot. Two years later, he is still sober. Now that’s the power of tough love stemming from naked honesty!

Ashwin is Joy

So much joy. If you have children, you know the overwhelming feeling of joy they can bring; especially when they exhibit how excited they are to see you during a period of absence. Kids grow up and their excitement wanes. That’s why people near or in retirement get dogs. To feel Joy again! To feel needed again. I get it. Boy does Ashwin bring on the joy. Her joy presents when she catches a glimpse of you walking towards her pen…with literal leaps of “I’m-so-excited-to-see-you” as you approach. Her joy is showcased when she sprints towards Preston, slides into his video collection, and jumps up to kiss him on the face. And her joy is evident in Kurt’s conversations as he unknowingly calls her the same name he calls Preston…….. “Well hey there, Sugar!”

Wishing you Peace, Love & Joy in 2020

Nathan introduced her to us last spring. She comes from a loving home in Missouri. Quiet-natured like Nathan, their personalities complement each other.  Nathan has brought girls home before, but this time was different.

Her name is Ashwin.  She’s drop-dead-gorgeous and she’s a Miniature American Shephard who has won over all of our hearts.

Ashwin is peace

Maybe it’s my life stage, but I’ve not witnessed the peaceful impact of a canine as I have with Ashwin. Public warnings included, “She needs a lot of exercise. She will wear you out. She demands a lot.” So do high school students. Welcome to my world! But the balance of attention-to-Ashwin versus the output of Peace she bestows on our family is remarkable. Ashwin’s Peace is powerful.

Preston’s attention to dogs has been hit or miss; but with Ashwin, he’s been all in from day one. He seems to understand her emotions and reciprocates appropriately. For example, during our family’s first outing walking Ashwin in the neighborhood Preston reached over, took the leash, and seized command of the walk. Perhaps it’s his keen understanding of non-verbal communication, but Preston seemed to know Ashwin’s needs seconds before they presented. He transferred the leash from his right to left hand as Ashwin switched sides. He twirled around following Ashwin’s roadway dance. He kept Ashwin close by his side. All this without instruction. Wanna see the dance? Watch it here. As I said – All-In!

Ashwin is love

There’s the sweet, mushy love. The kind Kurt and I unabashedly present loud and proud with our public and gushy kissy-kissy “I love you’s” to Preston. Then there’s the empowering Tough Love. The kind that doesn’t enable, but rather fosters growth and independence.

Two things: 1) One of Nathan’s reasons for getting Ashwin was to have an emotional support for Preston.  And 2) Nathan’s love for Preston goes beyond mushy. Nathan gets at the heart of what Preston really needs as an almost 27-year old adult male – increasing independence.

Nathan expects more from Preston

There’s a scene in the recent hit movie, The Peanut Butter Falcon, where the ugly truth comes out. At least it really spoke to me as a mother. As one who wants to constantly protect Preston I may be inadvertently disrespecting him; holding him back; coddling him too much. No, I don’t call Preston the “R” word, but I do think my inactions or coddling may hold him back. I get Preston’s water for him; Nathan teaches Preston how to get his own water. I pack Preston’s lunch, Nathan expects Preston to pack his own. I clean up Preston’s mess; Nathan teaches Preston how to get the recycle bin and clean out the recyclables from the car. Nathan expects more from Preston. He knows how to protect but he doesn’t over-protect. Nathan holds the bar a bit higher for Preston than I do and because of this, we’ve seen Preston’s independent thinking skills change.

Some examples include:

Without prompting, Preston will diverge from his daily outfit of khaki shorts and green shirt to get long pants, a new blue shirt and a jacket when told, “we’re going to church!”

Seeing snow outside, Preston located and wore boots both to and from his video viewing room (the “shop” which requires him going outside, down and around to the basement.) In the past, he’s worn them down but not back. Now he wears them down and back.

When directed to get the low-salt chips, Preston reached for the only low-salt chip bag on the shelf (Kurt did not point to the bag.)

At one of his favorite volunteer/work-training sites, Random Acts of Flowers, Preston ---without fuss--will wear an apron and flex his fine motor skills to arrange flowers. He also really enjoys composting!

Fun at Random Acts of Flowers!

Preston doesn’t miss a step in a routine. He knows his breakfast is served in a to-go container Monday through Friday. So, when I presented his breakfast in a to go-container on a Saturday, he moved the contents to a regular bowl.

Honesty can save a life.

Back to that movie – The Peanut Butter Falcon. If you haven’t seen it, you’ve got to put it in your que. I cried the first time I saw it; I laughed often the 2nd time.  The movie casts an adult with Down Syndrome as one of the leading characters (Zack.) Although they didn’t show it in the credits, Preston had to be the consult for the scene where Zack is running down the beach in his underwear. And while Preston doesn’t verbalize it, Zack captures Preston’s ability to pierce the heart with naked honesty.

In fact, Shia LaBeouf credits Zack’s honesty with saving his life.

After being arrested for public intoxication, Zack told Shia that he had to stop drinking…that he was ruining not just his own life, but Zack’s opportunity for success. To quote Shia, “Zack can’t not shoot straight, and bless him for it, ‘cause in that moment, I needed a straight shooter who I couldn’t argue with.” At the time of the arrest, Shia promised Zack that he wouldn’t drink for the rest of the shoot. Two years later, he is still sober. Now that’s the power of tough love stemming from naked honesty!

Ashwin is Joy

So much joy. If you have children, you know the overwhelming feeling of joy they can bring; especially when they exhibit how excited they are to see you during a period of absence. Kids grow up and their excitement wanes. That’s why people near or in retirement get dogs. To feel Joy again! To feel needed again. I get it. Boy does Ashwin bring on the joy. Her joy presents when she catches a glimpse of you walking towards her pen…with literal leaps of “I’m-so-excited-to-see-you” as you approach. Her joy is showcased when she sprints towards Preston, slides into his video collection, and jumps up to kiss him on the face. And her joy is evident in Kurt’s conversations as he unknowingly calls her the same name he calls Preston…….. “Well hey there, Sugar!”

Wishing you Peace, Love & Joy in 2020

Said the tree fort to the little squirrel
Do you see what I see?
Way up in the sky, little squirrel
Do you see what I see?

A drone, a drone soaring way above
With the An-der-sons in it’s lens
With the An-der-sons in it’s lens

Said sweet Preston to all those around

Said sweet Preston to all those around
Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing through my ears a slight sound
Do you hear what I hear?
A loss, a loss
The doctor says “a lot”
So I tried hearing aids but said, “NO-NOT!”
I tried hearing aids but said, “NO-NOT!”

Yep. Preston has quite the hearing deficit. He hears at 75 decibels and above. Imagine standing just next to a gun shot….just shy of that sound….that’s the level of noise where Preston hears. You and I engaged in a normal conversation? That comes in around 30 decibels; 10 is a whisper.

Well this explains a lot: Why Preston, on his knees, leans his left ear into the TV speaker. Why he insists on “louder” as he points to the Bluetooth image on the car’s dashboard. Why (for years) he’s had non-reactive behavior to verbal commands which I thought was either a cognitive shortfall or a just a polished teen behavior of “I’m choosing to ignore you, Mom!”

Why do I do that? Jump to his defects….his imperfections…his deficiencies? It goes back almost 25 years ago when—at his birth—I was worried about how on earth he would be able to compensate for all the downside that an extra chromosome would surely breathe into his life. Turns out-- at least in stressful situations such as Preston’s health-- I’m a defensive pessimist (DP for short). Yep-- according to this rating scale-- I’m 84% DP.

That’s so twisted.

Speaking of twisted. Remember Preston’s Underwear Bar? (from our ’14 update). He’s now expanded his franchise to include a Juice Bar. At the top of his mocktail menu is a drink sure to make Liquor.com’s next list of the “hottest mocktails right now”. It’s called “*The Twisted Shorts*.” Similar to ESPN’s 2014 reporting of the (then trending) rolling waistband fashion, Preston takes his shorts and twists them 2 – 4 inches to the left; making what men tell me must be uncomfortable pressure on his private parts. We twist them back front and center; he twists them back to the left. Back and forth like a tennis match with the score always ending with Parents-Love; Preston-40. Perhaps it’s his behavioral version of compression clothing? Like I said, it’s twisted.

Back to hearing loss. We were hoping he would be a candidate for surgery to correct his hearing down to 40 decibels, but he was not. This meant our next route was to try hearing aids. After several consults and about a two month trial with the aids, I admitted defeat. It was not easy for me to concede. I cried almost inconsolably when I returned them. For 24 years we’ve been able to report on the complications of raising Preston, but those complications are typically followed with solutions. Simple solutions often embedded in the riches of pure love, in the quiet of the moment, and the solitude of sweet, sweet joy and wonder.

Why this trail felt more like a personal failure to me is unclear.

Perhaps I’m a bit more worried about his continued launch into adulthood. And so, as I often do, I reached down for the simple truths I’ve learned from family. Such as Kurt’s sister’s saying, “Oh Wells.” And brother Corry’s proclamation, “That’s just the way how it is.” And one of my parents’ favorite, “Hattie says just pray to the Lord and go ahead on**.”

At least we know we tried. Thus, we’ve decided to go retro (back about 20 years) and look for speech therapists who can re-teach Preston (and us) alternate ways to communicate. Perhaps revisiting Total Communication and other non-verbal tactics will heighten Preston’s ability to interact.

Oddly enough, despite his decreased hearing, Preston has offered more voluntary vocalizations. He whispers close to my ear, “Mommie…..Good time with Mawies!”..... “Mommie….Good time bowling!**” and my favorites (with accompanying soft pats on my shoulder) “I love you so much, Mommie**”…..and “**I give you a big, big hug, My Mommie.”

In the words of CMA star Thomas Rhett “I could die a happy [wo]man.”

Preston continues to report daily to his Transition-To-Work program at Cerebal Palsy Center where he is showing more independence. He is refining his employability skills – especially those that involve sorting – even without prompting (which is a really big deal in Preston’s World.) You know it’s a good fit when Preston’s first words in the morning are, “Mommy…..Go to Work?!” How many adults are as fortunate?

Everything is more enjoyable with Preston. During my weekly donations to Sam Walton’s empire, Preston helps me. He adds and takes away from the grocery cart. he puts items on the conveyor belt. He supplies unsuspecting strangers with random hugs.  I feel safer when Preston is around. Shopping is much more enjoyable. In a time where most are attracted to online shopping and pick-up for the efficiency it brings, I prefer the long outing with Preston as he makes me smile, he makes people around him smile and he freely spreads warmth. With so much hate in the world, Preston has the ability to cut through differences of opinion and bring folks back to warmth; all without a single word, blog, tweet, reaction to a tweet, or a social media campaign.

Too bad he can’t join Congress.

Said the night wind to the little Sib

Said the night wind to the little Sib,
Do you see what I see?
Way up in the sky little sib
Do you see what I see?
A star, a star Posting on UnSplashWith 200 Million who see!
With 200 Million who see!

The Sib on the Sideline

You read that right. Nathan’s photos have over 200 MILLION views on Unsplash. What’s Unsplash? It’s a community of photographers who give their good work away; a place where you can find quality stock photos at no cost. But not just any photo can land on the site; there’s a screening process.

For example, the owners choose “influencers” and the featured influencer-feeds are emailed out to millions of followers. Nathan is featured most every time he uploads photos. Unsplash’s site has over a billion views each week. Nathan’s monthly view is up to 25 million. In fact, he comes in #5 in their 2017 list of the most viewed photographers, was a named community member of the year and landed in their list of 100 photographers selected for their ability to consistently shoot impactful photography. Not bad for a hobby.

He says hobby; I say creative therapy. You see, if you read his Medium posts of “Finding Purpose with My Grandfather’s Old Photos” or “35 Weeks of Scanning My Grandfather’s Vingate Film” and “How Unsplash Made Me a Photographer” you’ll learn than (primarily) Nathan’s interest in photography was spurred by time spent with his Grandpa Les. However, Nathan’s passion to refine and better his photography skills was ignited by paying tribute to Les posthumously via honoring the man and his photography. As a counselor, I see this as a form of therapy; where Nathan uses photography (both his own and those of his grandfather) to improve himself but also to evoke positive emotions from others through his eyes.

As for work, Nathan landed an opportunity at Vessul Creative where he contributes Design and Development. What does this look like? A Designer’s handy-craft is the front-end of what you see on a website: the layout, the flow, the design from page to page.  A Developer is more the coding: the hard-core lines and lines and lines of hidden code behind the webpage that makes the website run. Lines on a page that make most people dizzy. Most people either Design OR Develop. Nathan enjoys both.

Nathan was found to be in the top 1% of ability to focus

This is where Nathan’s ability to focus shines. When he was young, Nathan was found to be in the top 1% of ability to focus and verbally understand and process data.

Nathan’s launch into Vessul Creative was the perfect-storm combination of talent and timing. Nathan had finished a six month Front End Development course. His continuous research into web development and improvements was paying off in terms of added growth. One example of growth is Nathan’s self-taught Google rating Shift of Focus score – what Google considers to be the Gold Standard Practice and Rules to building a website. Many developers ignore this focus and most websites fail the test. Nathan’s Vessul site gets a score of 100%  and ranks “Excellent” among an industry comparison.  The local utility company and large public school system score around 40% with “Poor” and “Fair” industry comparisons.

Nathan’s motto? “I spend my time learning.” On the personal development learning, his top 10 recent reads include:

• Deep Work: Rules For Focused Success In A Distracted World
• So Good They Can’t Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion In The Quest For Work You Love
• Switch: How To Change Things When Change Is Hard
• War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles
• Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming The Unseen Forces That Stand In The Way of True Inspiration
• Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, And Habits of Billionaires, Icons & World-Class Performers
• Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice From The Best In the World
• Moonwalking With Einstein: The Art & Science of Remembering Everything
• Happy: Why More Or Less Everything Is Absolutely Fine
• A Guide To The Good Life: Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

Nathan continues to be the Sibling on the Sideline, the one who exclaims daily, “MOM! Preston is SO AWESOME!!” The little-big-sib who so freely gives his care and love for Preston.

I’ll try and capture the depth of Nathan’s brotherly pride with just two of his photos in the hobby collection. Two photos that have connected with with millions of people. Literally.

For example, take this image that Nathan took at Challenger Baseball.

It has over 2,120,085 views and over 18K downloads.

Uses from total strangers spanning the globe for a multitude of reasons. Reasons such as:

• Countless Disability Resource orgs from TN to Australia; too many to reference.
• A Clinical Psychologist in MA writing about the importance of goodwill.
• A mindfulness Writer in NY sharing the power of direct compassion.
• From the Ozark Mountains, Author, Speaker and President & Co-Founder of the Mentoring Project who saw the small area between Kurt and Preston in this photo as “love standing in the middle.”
• A Marriage & Family Therapist in WA on the need to connect.
• A CEO Coach, Author, Speaker & Entrepreneur in OH on how smiling leads to success and joy.
• A Pastor in Englewood, CO who blogs about the science behind a great day.
• And an Author, Mother, Educator, & Part-Time Librarian (living in Canada) who wrote on the Top 10 Things Children Actually Want From Their Parents .

Then there’s this picture Nathan took during a day trip to the Smoky Mountains. [When, by the way, I looked at him and said, “Don’t you dare take my picture!” I’m glad he didn’t listen.]

This pic has over 2,240,050 views and over 15K downloads.

My favorite usage (beside our holiday greeting) is Jenny Rapson’s blog on ForEveryMom about the eerily real possibility of a world without Down syndrome (more on this later).  While I’ve never met Jenny Rapson and I don’t know her logic behind choosing our family picture as the title capture for this article, I can’t help but think it’s hidden irony of how sad and depressed we look as a family with an adult with Down syndrome (NOT!).

If there was a “Brotherly Pride” sibling social movement to show the world the starry, starry wonder of living with Down Syndrome, Nathan would surely be its chief activist.

Said the shepherd man to his fam-i-ly

Said the shepherd man to his fam-i-ly
Do you know what I know
How to fix and repair broken things?
A man, a man
Shivers in the cold
Breaking legs, as-phalt and kidney stones
Breaking legs, as-phalt and kidneys stones!

It’s been quite the two years for Mr. Kurt. Work-wise, he remains at KUB as a Security Analyst (using that PSP credential), but is now nestled in IT. Kurt spends most of his day looking for and developing systems to protect KUB from all the “bad guys” out there in Cyber space: hackers, ransomwar-ers, those who harvest email and Phish. After 30 years I’m finally understanding why he digs the Sci-Fi genre of flicks and why he opts to go to the “kids” movies…..we all need an escape.

Obstacles? What obstacles? Kurt didn’t let a twice broken leg interfere with his goal of riding 3,000 miles in 2016. Nope – he rode over 3,300 despite a two month hiatus. How’d he break his leg? Playing hockey. It was 1st period and Kurt’s ankle met the force of an 80 mph puck! Obstacle? What obstacle? Two minutes later he was back on the ice. A week later, he noticed his skate didn’t fit. He thought, “Hmmm, maybe I should go see a doctor?”  [This must be where both Preston and Nathan get their high tolerance for pain.] Doc said, “You what?! It’s broken. It’s badly broken!” When my brother learned the news, his response was, “Has he looked at his driver’s license?!”

A health-care provider would break his leg a second time in two months!

What are the odds that the same leg and fibula bone which broke when he was 10 in a skiing accident would break 45 years later? Odder still, how about the fact that a health-care provider (his PT) would broke his leg the 2nd time in two months (via an ‘adjustment’)?!

The Orthopedist banned Kurt from returning to that PT. What did Kurt do? He set his inner teenager free and continued PT with the same therapist.

Dad-blasted! No, I’m not mad at Kurt. Quite the opposite. Especially when he started telling me (in a pre-anesthetic fog) where all the personal effects and legal documents were located. Not to let his twice-broken fibula take center stage, Kurt’s kidney went into sand-stone production mode and he had to twice have lithotripsy (kidney stone blasting). Kurt thought that was so much fun that he wanted to do some *engineerial** blasting of his own – in our backyard.

Thus, the asphalt hockey court and the 3-story tree-fort are no more (they’re not Up anymore.)

it’s a word….look it up in the* urban dictionary!

Oh that Peter-Pan backyard!

Oh that Peter-Pan backyard. So many great memories. Since Preston was 2, Kurt has added some magical play structure element to our Neverland backyard:

• sensory ball pit
• tire swing
• zip line
• radical leaf-pile runs
• 2 story tree-fort
• rock wall
• 3 story tree-fort
• asphalt hockey court
• water-balloon launcher (to hail center hockey court and aim toward the 3rd level of the fort)

But, alas; like Peter, Kurt (and the boys) must become Pan. His latest backyard project is an outdoor man-cave complete with a tin-roof covered 16’ x 16’ deck, hot tub, separate outdoor fire place area, and a garden for valuable Kurt & Preston bonding. He’s already got his next project in mind: a waterfall. You must visit!

Said the queen to the people everywhere

Said the queen to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Three decades of marriage; be aware
Listen to what I say
The room, the room
In its re-design
Must be built a-round the blue chair
Must be built a-round the blue chair

The blue chair reference is an inside joke (actually – in part - a sweet tribute to Kurt’s Dad.) Inquiring minds may learn more upon viewing. Suffice it to say, however, that I finally decided that 1989 was long enough to keep our antiquated home décor; this was one area that was not going to have a retro revitalization!

One thing is certain – I did not miss my calling in the interior design business – it is so NOT my strength! Every decision felt painstakingly difficult. How could picking out fabric or the placement of furniture be so complicated? Hats off to those who seem to have innate design talent (Jeannie, Susan, Jan, Stephanie)….there’s a small business opportunity waiting for ya’ll! Not for me. Definitely not for me.

Definitely not for me.

I’ll stick to helping families figure out the college admissions maze via teaching a summer graduate course at Carson Newman University. And to supporting the slow-down of teens from Conflict to Suicide via serving back at Bearden High as a School Counselor. The two-year stint as a district facilitator was a learning experience. No other opportunity could have provided me the lens to see all 18 middle and 18 high schools in the district and meet such outstanding servant school counselors. Furthermore, the opportunity opened my eyes to the mechanics of running a large school district. I am thankful. So thankful for the brief run and more so for the freedom to return to home base.

Back to Jenny Raspon’s blog about the abolition of Down syndrome. The title is shocking; and the read? Even more appalling. Not Jenny’s view (I thank you, Jenny, for your heart-warming support of families with DS). Rather the revelation that governments in countries such as Iceland, Great Britain and Denmark are taking the stance to remove a population in the name of health-care savings. Stop. Read that again.

Quote

Health care savings trump the value of Preston Mark Anderson?!!

This makes me beyond sad. This makes me so disappointed in the choices human make.

Cost? You want to talk cost? How much is it costing our economy in the hell of its current opioid crisis? How about 78 Billion Dollars. …in 2013!

Should we just kill the estimated 2 million opioid addicts in America alone so we can stand at the alter of 78 billion dollars in health-care savings?

No. Of course not! Yet, let’s argue that stopping the 3,000 – 5,000 world-wide DS births per year could be a justified health-care savings.

Stop it.

STOP IT!

Religious opinions aside, what about the benefits that persons with Down Syndrome bring? My life, since 1993, is full of examples. What are the benefits of Opioid Addiction? Hmmm….Can’t think of any. ALL life is valuable; no matter how they came into this world, no matter what happened to them along the way or no matter the choices (intended or not) that landed them bad fate.

No government should get to declare value.

If anything should be abolished, it’s genocide.

Let me just end by sharing yet another made-you-smile video that reminds us ALL persons are valuable. ALL persons want to belong. ALL persons want to be heard. Check it out and Go Halls Red Devils! You made me smile! [source: © 2018 WBIR-TV. All Rights Reserved.]

Questions? Comments.... email Bev at bevandersontn@gmail.com

Said the tree fort to the little squirrel
Do you see what I see?
Way up in the sky, little squirrel
Do you see what I see?

A drone, a drone soaring way above
With the An-der-sons in it’s lens
With the An-der-sons in it’s lens

Said sweet Preston to all those around

Said sweet Preston to all those around
Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing through my ears a slight sound
Do you hear what I hear?
A loss, a loss
The doctor says “a lot”
So I tried hearing aids but said, “NO-NOT!”
I tried hearing aids but said, “NO-NOT!”

Yep. Preston has quite the hearing deficit. He hears at 75 decibels and above. Imagine standing just next to a gun shot….just shy of that sound….that’s the level of noise where Preston hears. You and I engaged in a normal conversation? That comes in around 30 decibels; 10 is a whisper.

Well this explains a lot: Why Preston, on his knees, leans his left ear into the TV speaker. Why he insists on “louder” as he points to the Bluetooth image on the car’s dashboard. Why (for years) he’s had non-reactive behavior to verbal commands which I thought was either a cognitive shortfall or a just a polished teen behavior of “I’m choosing to ignore you, Mom!”

Why do I do that? Jump to his defects….his imperfections…his deficiencies? It goes back almost 25 years ago when—at his birth—I was worried about how on earth he would be able to compensate for all the downside that an extra chromosome would surely breathe into his life. Turns out-- at least in stressful situations such as Preston’s health-- I’m a defensive pessimist (DP for short). Yep-- according to this rating scale-- I’m 84% DP.

That’s so twisted.

Speaking of twisted. Remember Preston’s Underwear Bar? (from our ’14 update). He’s now expanded his franchise to include a Juice Bar. At the top of his mocktail menu is a drink sure to make Liquor.com’s next list of the “hottest mocktails right now”. It’s called “*The Twisted Shorts*.” Similar to ESPN’s 2014 reporting of the (then trending) rolling waistband fashion, Preston takes his shorts and twists them 2 – 4 inches to the left; making what men tell me must be uncomfortable pressure on his private parts. We twist them back front and center; he twists them back to the left. Back and forth like a tennis match with the score always ending with Parents-Love; Preston-40. Perhaps it’s his behavioral version of compression clothing? Like I said, it’s twisted.

Back to hearing loss. We were hoping he would be a candidate for surgery to correct his hearing down to 40 decibels, but he was not. This meant our next route was to try hearing aids. After several consults and about a two month trial with the aids, I admitted defeat. It was not easy for me to concede. I cried almost inconsolably when I returned them. For 24 years we’ve been able to report on the complications of raising Preston, but those complications are typically followed with solutions. Simple solutions often embedded in the riches of pure love, in the quiet of the moment, and the solitude of sweet, sweet joy and wonder.

Why this trail felt more like a personal failure to me is unclear.

Perhaps I’m a bit more worried about his continued launch into adulthood. And so, as I often do, I reached down for the simple truths I’ve learned from family. Such as Kurt’s sister’s saying, “Oh Wells.” And brother Corry’s proclamation, “That’s just the way how it is.” And one of my parents’ favorite, “Hattie says just pray to the Lord and go ahead on**.”

At least we know we tried. Thus, we’ve decided to go retro (back about 20 years) and look for speech therapists who can re-teach Preston (and us) alternate ways to communicate. Perhaps revisiting Total Communication and other non-verbal tactics will heighten Preston’s ability to interact.

Oddly enough, despite his decreased hearing, Preston has offered more voluntary vocalizations. He whispers close to my ear, “Mommie…..Good time with Mawies!”..... “Mommie….Good time bowling!**” and my favorites (with accompanying soft pats on my shoulder) “I love you so much, Mommie**”…..and “**I give you a big, big hug, My Mommie.”

In the words of CMA star Thomas Rhett “I could die a happy [wo]man.”

Preston continues to report daily to his Transition-To-Work program at Cerebal Palsy Center where he is showing more independence. He is refining his employability skills – especially those that involve sorting – even without prompting (which is a really big deal in Preston’s World.) You know it’s a good fit when Preston’s first words in the morning are, “Mommy…..Go to Work?!” How many adults are as fortunate?

Everything is more enjoyable with Preston. During my weekly donations to Sam Walton’s empire, Preston helps me. He adds and takes away from the grocery cart. he puts items on the conveyor belt. He supplies unsuspecting strangers with random hugs.  I feel safer when Preston is around. Shopping is much more enjoyable. In a time where most are attracted to online shopping and pick-up for the efficiency it brings, I prefer the long outing with Preston as he makes me smile, he makes people around him smile and he freely spreads warmth. With so much hate in the world, Preston has the ability to cut through differences of opinion and bring folks back to warmth; all without a single word, blog, tweet, reaction to a tweet, or a social media campaign.

Too bad he can’t join Congress.

Said the night wind to the little Sib

Said the night wind to the little Sib,
Do you see what I see?
Way up in the sky little sib
Do you see what I see?
A star, a star Posting on UnSplashWith 200 Million who see!
With 200 Million who see!

The Sib on the Sideline

You read that right. Nathan’s photos have over 200 MILLION views on Unsplash. What’s Unsplash? It’s a community of photographers who give their good work away; a place where you can find quality stock photos at no cost. But not just any photo can land on the site; there’s a screening process.

For example, the owners choose “influencers” and the featured influencer-feeds are emailed out to millions of followers. Nathan is featured most every time he uploads photos. Unsplash’s site has over a billion views each week. Nathan’s monthly view is up to 25 million. In fact, he comes in #5 in their 2017 list of the most viewed photographers, was a named community member of the year and landed in their list of 100 photographers selected for their ability to consistently shoot impactful photography. Not bad for a hobby.

He says hobby; I say creative therapy. You see, if you read his Medium posts of “Finding Purpose with My Grandfather’s Old Photos” or “35 Weeks of Scanning My Grandfather’s Vingate Film” and “How Unsplash Made Me a Photographer” you’ll learn than (primarily) Nathan’s interest in photography was spurred by time spent with his Grandpa Les. However, Nathan’s passion to refine and better his photography skills was ignited by paying tribute to Les posthumously via honoring the man and his photography. As a counselor, I see this as a form of therapy; where Nathan uses photography (both his own and those of his grandfather) to improve himself but also to evoke positive emotions from others through his eyes.

As for work, Nathan landed an opportunity at Vessul Creative where he contributes Design and Development. What does this look like? A Designer’s handy-craft is the front-end of what you see on a website: the layout, the flow, the design from page to page.  A Developer is more the coding: the hard-core lines and lines and lines of hidden code behind the webpage that makes the website run. Lines on a page that make most people dizzy. Most people either Design OR Develop. Nathan enjoys both.

Nathan was found to be in the top 1% of ability to focus

This is where Nathan’s ability to focus shines. When he was young, Nathan was found to be in the top 1% of ability to focus and verbally understand and process data.

Nathan’s launch into Vessul Creative was the perfect-storm combination of talent and timing. Nathan had finished a six month Front End Development course. His continuous research into web development and improvements was paying off in terms of added growth. One example of growth is Nathan’s self-taught Google rating Shift of Focus score – what Google considers to be the Gold Standard Practice and Rules to building a website. Many developers ignore this focus and most websites fail the test. Nathan’s Vessul site gets a score of 100%  and ranks “Excellent” among an industry comparison.  The local utility company and large public school system score around 40% with “Poor” and “Fair” industry comparisons.

Nathan’s motto? “I spend my time learning.” On the personal development learning, his top 10 recent reads include:

• Deep Work: Rules For Focused Success In A Distracted World
• So Good They Can’t Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion In The Quest For Work You Love
• Switch: How To Change Things When Change Is Hard
• War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles
• Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming The Unseen Forces That Stand In The Way of True Inspiration
• Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, And Habits of Billionaires, Icons & World-Class Performers
• Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice From The Best In the World
• Moonwalking With Einstein: The Art & Science of Remembering Everything
• Happy: Why More Or Less Everything Is Absolutely Fine
• A Guide To The Good Life: Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

Nathan continues to be the Sibling on the Sideline, the one who exclaims daily, “MOM! Preston is SO AWESOME!!” The little-big-sib who so freely gives his care and love for Preston.

I’ll try and capture the depth of Nathan’s brotherly pride with just two of his photos in the hobby collection. Two photos that have connected with with millions of people. Literally.

For example, take this image that Nathan took at Challenger Baseball.

It has over 2,120,085 views and over 18K downloads.

Uses from total strangers spanning the globe for a multitude of reasons. Reasons such as:

• Countless Disability Resource orgs from TN to Australia; too many to reference.
• A Clinical Psychologist in MA writing about the importance of goodwill.
• A mindfulness Writer in NY sharing the power of direct compassion.
• From the Ozark Mountains, Author, Speaker and President & Co-Founder of the Mentoring Project who saw the small area between Kurt and Preston in this photo as “love standing in the middle.”
• A Marriage & Family Therapist in WA on the need to connect.
• A CEO Coach, Author, Speaker & Entrepreneur in OH on how smiling leads to success and joy.
• A Pastor in Englewood, CO who blogs about the science behind a great day.
• And an Author, Mother, Educator, & Part-Time Librarian (living in Canada) who wrote on the Top 10 Things Children Actually Want From Their Parents .

Then there’s this picture Nathan took during a day trip to the Smoky Mountains. [When, by the way, I looked at him and said, “Don’t you dare take my picture!” I’m glad he didn’t listen.]

This pic has over 2,240,050 views and over 15K downloads.

My favorite usage (beside our holiday greeting) is Jenny Rapson’s blog on ForEveryMom about the eerily real possibility of a world without Down syndrome (more on this later).  While I’ve never met Jenny Rapson and I don’t know her logic behind choosing our family picture as the title capture for this article, I can’t help but think it’s hidden irony of how sad and depressed we look as a family with an adult with Down syndrome (NOT!).

If there was a “Brotherly Pride” sibling social movement to show the world the starry, starry wonder of living with Down Syndrome, Nathan would surely be its chief activist.

Said the shepherd man to his fam-i-ly

Said the shepherd man to his fam-i-ly
Do you know what I know
How to fix and repair broken things?
A man, a man
Shivers in the cold
Breaking legs, as-phalt and kidney stones
Breaking legs, as-phalt and kidneys stones!

It’s been quite the two years for Mr. Kurt. Work-wise, he remains at KUB as a Security Analyst (using that PSP credential), but is now nestled in IT. Kurt spends most of his day looking for and developing systems to protect KUB from all the “bad guys” out there in Cyber space: hackers, ransomwar-ers, those who harvest email and Phish. After 30 years I’m finally understanding why he digs the Sci-Fi genre of flicks and why he opts to go to the “kids” movies…..we all need an escape.

Obstacles? What obstacles? Kurt didn’t let a twice broken leg interfere with his goal of riding 3,000 miles in 2016. Nope – he rode over 3,300 despite a two month hiatus. How’d he break his leg? Playing hockey. It was 1st period and Kurt’s ankle met the force of an 80 mph puck! Obstacle? What obstacle? Two minutes later he was back on the ice. A week later, he noticed his skate didn’t fit. He thought, “Hmmm, maybe I should go see a doctor?”  [This must be where both Preston and Nathan get their high tolerance for pain.] Doc said, “You what?! It’s broken. It’s badly broken!” When my brother learned the news, his response was, “Has he looked at his driver’s license?!”

A health-care provider would break his leg a second time in two months!

What are the odds that the same leg and fibula bone which broke when he was 10 in a skiing accident would break 45 years later? Odder still, how about the fact that a health-care provider (his PT) would broke his leg the 2nd time in two months (via an ‘adjustment’)?!

The Orthopedist banned Kurt from returning to that PT. What did Kurt do? He set his inner teenager free and continued PT with the same therapist.

Dad-blasted! No, I’m not mad at Kurt. Quite the opposite. Especially when he started telling me (in a pre-anesthetic fog) where all the personal effects and legal documents were located. Not to let his twice-broken fibula take center stage, Kurt’s kidney went into sand-stone production mode and he had to twice have lithotripsy (kidney stone blasting). Kurt thought that was so much fun that he wanted to do some *engineerial** blasting of his own – in our backyard.

Thus, the asphalt hockey court and the 3-story tree-fort are no more (they’re not Up anymore.)

it’s a word….look it up in the* urban dictionary!

Oh that Peter-Pan backyard!

Oh that Peter-Pan backyard. So many great memories. Since Preston was 2, Kurt has added some magical play structure element to our Neverland backyard:

• sensory ball pit
• tire swing
• zip line
• radical leaf-pile runs
• 2 story tree-fort
• rock wall
• 3 story tree-fort
• asphalt hockey court
• water-balloon launcher (to hail center hockey court and aim toward the 3rd level of the fort)

But, alas; like Peter, Kurt (and the boys) must become Pan. His latest backyard project is an outdoor man-cave complete with a tin-roof covered 16’ x 16’ deck, hot tub, separate outdoor fire place area, and a garden for valuable Kurt & Preston bonding. He’s already got his next project in mind: a waterfall. You must visit!

Said the queen to the people everywhere

Said the queen to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Three decades of marriage; be aware
Listen to what I say
The room, the room
In its re-design
Must be built a-round the blue chair
Must be built a-round the blue chair

The blue chair reference is an inside joke (actually – in part - a sweet tribute to Kurt’s Dad.) Inquiring minds may learn more upon viewing. Suffice it to say, however, that I finally decided that 1989 was long enough to keep our antiquated home décor; this was one area that was not going to have a retro revitalization!

One thing is certain – I did not miss my calling in the interior design business – it is so NOT my strength! Every decision felt painstakingly difficult. How could picking out fabric or the placement of furniture be so complicated? Hats off to those who seem to have innate design talent (Jeannie, Susan, Jan, Stephanie)….there’s a small business opportunity waiting for ya’ll! Not for me. Definitely not for me.

Definitely not for me.

I’ll stick to helping families figure out the college admissions maze via teaching a summer graduate course at Carson Newman University. And to supporting the slow-down of teens from Conflict to Suicide via serving back at Bearden High as a School Counselor. The two-year stint as a district facilitator was a learning experience. No other opportunity could have provided me the lens to see all 18 middle and 18 high schools in the district and meet such outstanding servant school counselors. Furthermore, the opportunity opened my eyes to the mechanics of running a large school district. I am thankful. So thankful for the brief run and more so for the freedom to return to home base.

Back to Jenny Raspon’s blog about the abolition of Down syndrome. The title is shocking; and the read? Even more appalling. Not Jenny’s view (I thank you, Jenny, for your heart-warming support of families with DS). Rather the revelation that governments in countries such as Iceland, Great Britain and Denmark are taking the stance to remove a population in the name of health-care savings. Stop. Read that again.

Quote

Health care savings trump the value of Preston Mark Anderson?!!

This makes me beyond sad. This makes me so disappointed in the choices human make.

Cost? You want to talk cost? How much is it costing our economy in the hell of its current opioid crisis? How about 78 Billion Dollars. …in 2013!

Should we just kill the estimated 2 million opioid addicts in America alone so we can stand at the alter of 78 billion dollars in health-care savings?

No. Of course not! Yet, let’s argue that stopping the 3,000 – 5,000 world-wide DS births per year could be a justified health-care savings.

Stop it.

STOP IT!

Religious opinions aside, what about the benefits that persons with Down Syndrome bring? My life, since 1993, is full of examples. What are the benefits of Opioid Addiction? Hmmm….Can’t think of any. ALL life is valuable; no matter how they came into this world, no matter what happened to them along the way or no matter the choices (intended or not) that landed them bad fate.

No government should get to declare value.

If anything should be abolished, it’s genocide.

Let me just end by sharing yet another made-you-smile video that reminds us ALL persons are valuable. ALL persons want to belong. ALL persons want to be heard. Check it out and Go Halls Red Devils! You made me smile! [source: © 2018 WBIR-TV. All Rights Reserved.]

Questions? Comments.... email Bev at bevandersontn@gmail.com

As I read the four descriptors of “Ambiguous” quoted from Dictionary.com, I am reminded that no matter how much we may want to plan life or know THE answers; often the richness of life happens in the varying interpretations or reactions to the Signs along the way.

Ambiguity descriptor #1: Exhibiting constructional homonymity; having two or more structural descriptions

Take the street sign “Thickly Settled.”

To a true Southerner – one who has never ventured out of their sacred heritage – he may interpret this sign as meaning entering an area “of or exhibiting a thick vegetative brush.” But no – this sign apparently indigenous to quaint New England - actually means “You are entering a 30mph zone where the population is dense, so “slow down!”

My Father, if he were alive, would argue that “Thickly Settled” is just the North’s way of not wanting to copy the South’s caution of “Slow Children” for doing so may admit that “some degree of contagion of developmental delay exudes the area one is about to enter.” As my Dad often proclaimed, “Don’t over-think things.”

Don't over-think things

But The Andersons – well - we took the New England sign and implanted it in front of our southern thick growth of dogwood trees and azalea bush. Passers by are pleased no matter which side of the civil war from whence they descended; for they know to slow down – either to avoid the children in the neighbourhood or to look at the yet-another-added Sign of Life at 1328 Wenlock Road.

Ambiguity descriptor #2: of doubtful or uncertain nature

Twenty-three years ago, I recall hearing the doctor’s commentary, “It appears he has Down syndrome” and then I recall feeling the gravity of fear and the paralyzing hush that seemed to swallow the hospital room.

I recall the gravity of fear and the paralyzing hush

“Down what?” But the Signs along the way all pointed to Normal – three ultrasounds absent of abnormalities and depicting a seemingly perfect heart. Now I’m hearing my son is absent normal as they whisk him away to further exam his heart (which revealed a major defect including a total of four holes.)

So much for the Signs of Life. I guess sometimes Signs just pop up like potholes and there is no avoiding them. Kurt & I learned then that it was not the Signs, but what happened after we passed the Signs that held the power to Point us in the right direction.

Upon first passage, I remember the Down syndrome Sign being a total mass of utter confusion and honestly – of aching sorrow. I remember worrying about his future –would he be able to support himself? I recall feeling so alone, so ill-equipped to handle the brokenness at hand. I remember calling the local ARC and hanging up after hearing the words, “Retarded Citizens.”

The Down syndrome sign was a total mass of utter confusion and aching sorrow.

And then I remember making a decision to look for Signs of hope. I remember slowly finding connections with other parents who had plowed through the potholes, patched them up, survived, and never looked back. What Kurt & I learned at the critical cross-roads, was simply to choose LOVE… just as any parent of a Normal child would choose.

When you look at Preston – abnormalities and all – what you clearly see are Signs that you would want for any child…

Signs you want for any child....of happiness and good times with friends.

Signs full of tender moments and brotherly love

Preston’s life shows Signs free from Worry. (wouldn’t that be nice!)

Signs free from worry

And yes – while his future may still seem a bit uncertain, we find Signs along the way that prove his future could be bright.

Take the inclusive workplace of Prospector Theatre in Ridgefiled, Connecticut (www.prospectortheatre.org). Despite the Statistical Signs that point to 80% of adults of with disabilities being unemployed, Prospector Theatre founder Valerie Jensen (whose sister has Down syndrome) pushed past the depressing statistics and choose to turn the Sign to create a workplace whose mission is, “to provide educational and employment opportunities to adults with developmental disabilities through the operation of a four screen cinema.”

Valerie and her team have created a place of training and employment that I dare say any Normal working adult desires, “to live a higher quality of life through meaningful employment.” Check out their feature on NBC Nightly News.

OK. Admittedly that was a really, really long detour, but now we come to Preston’s crossroad in 2015-16. Fully transitioned out of secondary education, Preston continues with the Cerebral Palsy Center benefitting from their community and employment services for about six hours a day. After work, he hangs with his “girls” Mallory & Bailie working on recreational, community and safety goals.

All signs point to progress

All signs point to progress as Preston shows signs of increased independence, a greater adherence to schedule and routine, and he’s lost 22 pounds! The weight loss was not planned, but when you take away the grazing opportunities, add a YMCA membership, and keep up with the 3+ mile walks with family, you tend to drop a few over two years of time. Here’s Preston and Kurt at the finish line of the Santa 5K. Preston – the only walker with DS – had left-over energy at the end!

Ambiguity descriptor #3: Lacking clearness or definiteness

Nathan continues to grow; examining his strengths, tackling his weaknesses. Check out his article “My Mom Called Me a Bad Writer and I Loved It” Nathan holds fast to his life mantra of “Always Learning More.”

Over the year, Nathan worked for a Hockey company and branched out on his own with a number of media projects. Whether building sites in WordPress, launching a series of HTML emails, designing print & banner ads, creating data visualizations or info-graphics, Nathan works with a fierce determination to complete a professional product. He calls himself a “Media Trainer” but all Signs point to his growing interest in design.

Whether the design is in the layout of a website, the capture of light in a photograph, or the combination of data, fonts and pictures into a story, the deSign is what propels Nathan’s career interest at this time.

He’s “too narrow in his genius”

Nathan examines his life continuously and out loud via several online platforms such as Medium. He is not afraid to try new things, he’s not afraid to admit when he’s wrong and he doesn’t like to settle. He’s even been accused of being “too narrow in his genius” but in my view, Nathan is one of the more balanced adults I’ve had the pleasure of watching grow.

Nathan lost one of his best friends in November – his Grandpa Les. Over the years to Nathan Les was adventure, Les was great photographs, Les was Big Hershey, Les was the cabin, Les was Colorado road trips. To honor Les, Nathan created a temporary memorial site packed full of all the photos Les captured over the years. Out of loss, Nathan breathed life.

It was such a beautiful piece of work that several have asked Nathan to create a future memorial site for their loved one not-yet-gone. At no time during the creation of Les’ memorial did Nathan think of personal gain. Nathan just wanted to honor his grandfather.

Where will Nathan go from here? Not sure, but Kurt & I know it will be of his own making and we are OK with not having a clear Sign of where his journey will take him.

Is he or Ins't he one of the Wiggles?

Ambiguity description #4: Open to or having several possible meanings or interpretations.

While some may mistake him for one of the Wiggles, those on the road know this is just Kurt’s latest cycling fashion. When everyone was either posting their typical resolutions of weight loss or money management, Kurt has vowed to ride 3,000 miles in 2016. There’s no doubt he will reach his goal as he pedalled 2,700 in 2015.

In addition to cycling, Kurt continues to have permission to play on Nathan’s recreational Hockey team. I call it “Nathan’s team” because KAHA knows they can’t add Nathan to a roster without Kurt (per Nathan’s demand).

Kurt can now add “PSP” beside his “CPA” Signs of credentials. Ever the Optimist, Kurt beat the over 80% failure rate and passed the Physical Security Professional exam on his first attempt. Earning the PSP letters was not by sheer positivity, but came after diligent and daily study for over a year as only someone with Kurt’s determination could both endure and produce results.

And while Kurt is still an avid VOL fan, he has decided to not pursue a career in sports broadcasting (despite the tempting trail at a recent Security Conference.)

I can summarize my year with my passing three significant Signs:

A Trip to the White House

A Trip to the White House. OK....this was pretty amazing!

A car wreck...a.k.a. don't fear the Goo-Goo

A Car Wreck – I was hit head on by a drunk driver. A story about what that wreck taught me about facing fears is here.

A New Job. After the wreck, I took a long look at my career and realized that at 53, I didn’t have much longer to make a difference. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and I now work as a Facilitator for Secondary School Counselors in Knox County Schools. Now the counselors are my “students” and I work with them to develop training, professional development, and program management.

A couple of noteworthy Signs in the domestic & doggie departments: we achieved 100% debt-free status and are now ready to hand off these Salt & Pepper shakers from Nina’s collection!

The Signs of not aging. Hershey continues to defy aging. At 75, he continues to get “Oh, what a cute puppy!” remarks on our walks. Recently, he had tons of fun in the snow.

Sometimes Ambiguity causes you to look past your initial reaction and consider other meanings….

So there you have it. The Signs of Life in the Anderson household during 2015. Just remember, Ambiguity is not always a bad thing….sometimes it just means taking the time to look past your initial reaction of the sign and consider other meanings….

Like these shakers!

As I read the four descriptors of “Ambiguous” quoted from Dictionary.com, I am reminded that no matter how much we may want to plan life or know THE answers; often the richness of life happens in the varying interpretations or reactions to the Signs along the way.

Ambiguity descriptor #1: Exhibiting constructional homonymity; having two or more structural descriptions

Take the street sign “Thickly Settled.”

To a true Southerner – one who has never ventured out of their sacred heritage – he may interpret this sign as meaning entering an area “of or exhibiting a thick vegetative brush.” But no – this sign apparently indigenous to quaint New England - actually means “You are entering a 30mph zone where the population is dense, so “slow down!”

My Father, if he were alive, would argue that “Thickly Settled” is just the North’s way of not wanting to copy the South’s caution of “Slow Children” for doing so may admit that “some degree of contagion of developmental delay exudes the area one is about to enter.” As my Dad often proclaimed, “Don’t over-think things.”

Don't over-think things

But The Andersons – well - we took the New England sign and implanted it in front of our southern thick growth of dogwood trees and azalea bush. Passers by are pleased no matter which side of the civil war from whence they descended; for they know to slow down – either to avoid the children in the neighbourhood or to look at the yet-another-added Sign of Life at 1328 Wenlock Road.

Ambiguity descriptor #2: of doubtful or uncertain nature

Twenty-three years ago, I recall hearing the doctor’s commentary, “It appears he has Down syndrome” and then I recall feeling the gravity of fear and the paralyzing hush that seemed to swallow the hospital room.

I recall the gravity of fear and the paralyzing hush

“Down what?” But the Signs along the way all pointed to Normal – three ultrasounds absent of abnormalities and depicting a seemingly perfect heart. Now I’m hearing my son is absent normal as they whisk him away to further exam his heart (which revealed a major defect including a total of four holes.)

So much for the Signs of Life. I guess sometimes Signs just pop up like potholes and there is no avoiding them. Kurt & I learned then that it was not the Signs, but what happened after we passed the Signs that held the power to Point us in the right direction.

Upon first passage, I remember the Down syndrome Sign being a total mass of utter confusion and honestly – of aching sorrow. I remember worrying about his future –would he be able to support himself? I recall feeling so alone, so ill-equipped to handle the brokenness at hand. I remember calling the local ARC and hanging up after hearing the words, “Retarded Citizens.”

The Down syndrome sign was a total mass of utter confusion and aching sorrow.

And then I remember making a decision to look for Signs of hope. I remember slowly finding connections with other parents who had plowed through the potholes, patched them up, survived, and never looked back. What Kurt & I learned at the critical cross-roads, was simply to choose LOVE… just as any parent of a Normal child would choose.

When you look at Preston – abnormalities and all – what you clearly see are Signs that you would want for any child…

Signs you want for any child....of happiness and good times with friends.

Signs full of tender moments and brotherly love

Preston’s life shows Signs free from Worry. (wouldn’t that be nice!)

Signs free from worry

And yes – while his future may still seem a bit uncertain, we find Signs along the way that prove his future could be bright.

Take the inclusive workplace of Prospector Theatre in Ridgefiled, Connecticut (www.prospectortheatre.org). Despite the Statistical Signs that point to 80% of adults of with disabilities being unemployed, Prospector Theatre founder Valerie Jensen (whose sister has Down syndrome) pushed past the depressing statistics and choose to turn the Sign to create a workplace whose mission is, “to provide educational and employment opportunities to adults with developmental disabilities through the operation of a four screen cinema.”

Valerie and her team have created a place of training and employment that I dare say any Normal working adult desires, “to live a higher quality of life through meaningful employment.” Check out their feature on NBC Nightly News.

OK. Admittedly that was a really, really long detour, but now we come to Preston’s crossroad in 2015-16. Fully transitioned out of secondary education, Preston continues with the Cerebral Palsy Center benefitting from their community and employment services for about six hours a day. After work, he hangs with his “girls” Mallory & Bailie working on recreational, community and safety goals.

All signs point to progress

All signs point to progress as Preston shows signs of increased independence, a greater adherence to schedule and routine, and he’s lost 22 pounds! The weight loss was not planned, but when you take away the grazing opportunities, add a YMCA membership, and keep up with the 3+ mile walks with family, you tend to drop a few over two years of time. Here’s Preston and Kurt at the finish line of the Santa 5K. Preston – the only walker with DS – had left-over energy at the end!

Ambiguity descriptor #3: Lacking clearness or definiteness

Nathan continues to grow; examining his strengths, tackling his weaknesses. Check out his article “My Mom Called Me a Bad Writer and I Loved It” Nathan holds fast to his life mantra of “Always Learning More.”

Over the year, Nathan worked for a Hockey company and branched out on his own with a number of media projects. Whether building sites in WordPress, launching a series of HTML emails, designing print & banner ads, creating data visualizations or info-graphics, Nathan works with a fierce determination to complete a professional product. He calls himself a “Media Trainer” but all Signs point to his growing interest in design.

Whether the design is in the layout of a website, the capture of light in a photograph, or the combination of data, fonts and pictures into a story, the deSign is what propels Nathan’s career interest at this time.

He’s “too narrow in his genius”

Nathan examines his life continuously and out loud via several online platforms such as Medium. He is not afraid to try new things, he’s not afraid to admit when he’s wrong and he doesn’t like to settle. He’s even been accused of being “too narrow in his genius” but in my view, Nathan is one of the more balanced adults I’ve had the pleasure of watching grow.

Nathan lost one of his best friends in November – his Grandpa Les. Over the years to Nathan Les was adventure, Les was great photographs, Les was Big Hershey, Les was the cabin, Les was Colorado road trips. To honor Les, Nathan created a temporary memorial site packed full of all the photos Les captured over the years. Out of loss, Nathan breathed life.

It was such a beautiful piece of work that several have asked Nathan to create a future memorial site for their loved one not-yet-gone. At no time during the creation of Les’ memorial did Nathan think of personal gain. Nathan just wanted to honor his grandfather.

Where will Nathan go from here? Not sure, but Kurt & I know it will be of his own making and we are OK with not having a clear Sign of where his journey will take him.

Is he or Ins't he one of the Wiggles?

Ambiguity description #4: Open to or having several possible meanings or interpretations.

While some may mistake him for one of the Wiggles, those on the road know this is just Kurt’s latest cycling fashion. When everyone was either posting their typical resolutions of weight loss or money management, Kurt has vowed to ride 3,000 miles in 2016. There’s no doubt he will reach his goal as he pedalled 2,700 in 2015.

In addition to cycling, Kurt continues to have permission to play on Nathan’s recreational Hockey team. I call it “Nathan’s team” because KAHA knows they can’t add Nathan to a roster without Kurt (per Nathan’s demand).

Kurt can now add “PSP” beside his “CPA” Signs of credentials. Ever the Optimist, Kurt beat the over 80% failure rate and passed the Physical Security Professional exam on his first attempt. Earning the PSP letters was not by sheer positivity, but came after diligent and daily study for over a year as only someone with Kurt’s determination could both endure and produce results.

And while Kurt is still an avid VOL fan, he has decided to not pursue a career in sports broadcasting (despite the tempting trail at a recent Security Conference.)

I can summarize my year with my passing three significant Signs:

A Trip to the White House

A Trip to the White House. OK....this was pretty amazing!

A car wreck...a.k.a. don't fear the Goo-Goo

A Car Wreck – I was hit head on by a drunk driver. A story about what that wreck taught me about facing fears is here.

A New Job. After the wreck, I took a long look at my career and realized that at 53, I didn’t have much longer to make a difference. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and I now work as a Facilitator for Secondary School Counselors in Knox County Schools. Now the counselors are my “students” and I work with them to develop training, professional development, and program management.

A couple of noteworthy Signs in the domestic & doggie departments: we achieved 100% debt-free status and are now ready to hand off these Salt & Pepper shakers from Nina’s collection!

The Signs of not aging. Hershey continues to defy aging. At 75, he continues to get “Oh, what a cute puppy!” remarks on our walks. Recently, he had tons of fun in the snow.

Sometimes Ambiguity causes you to look past your initial reaction and consider other meanings….

So there you have it. The Signs of Life in the Anderson household during 2015. Just remember, Ambiguity is not always a bad thing….sometimes it just means taking the time to look past your initial reaction of the sign and consider other meanings….

Like these shakers!